I did it around-the-clock with Carys when I had to supplement
her nursing with a bottle feed, and then for another year at work. I didn’t
mind it too much with Carys, and I don’t mind the actual act of doing it. But
at work, in an attempt to conform to new federal regulations, they now have a “Mother’s
Room” where we can pump. I was SO excited for it when I first heard it was
coming.
And SO let down when I actually used it the first time.
First, it’s a storage room. It’s small. It’s lined in file
cabinets. There’s one small (hard plastic) chair in the middle of the room and
a footstool. And I added the footstool
after taking it from an empty cubicle. No table, no sink, no mini-fridge to
store milk, absolutely nothing for the mother except the chair. I want to be
appreciative of just the fact that we HAVE a room to use, but since it’s
dual-purpose, I have to announce my intention to go in and pump to a room full
of people (luckily, all women at this point) so if anyone needs anything out of
the room they can go get it. Since I can hear them all talking through the walls,
so I’m paranoid positive they can hear me pumping as well (are all you pumping
mothers picturing that wha-WHA-wha-WHA whirring of the pump now?). Both the
telling-of-the-pumping-intention and the feeling they are listening is so
mortifying. I am proud of the fact that I pump, but let’s be honest here:
pumping is weird and I don’t want anyone to picture me doing it. And to add to
the discomfort, I always feel like it’s such an inconvenience to them whenever
I go down to use the room. Oh, and they won’t let me store my pump there
between sessions, so I have to lug that pump back and forth between my desk and
the room all day. And store my milk in the giant communal freezers shared by
(literally) a thousand other people (though probably only about 400 are here
any given time). Oh, and let’s not forget how I have a short clip of Emmeline
crying to help with let-down that I play – on the lowest volume setting
possible - and one of the ladies outside the office commented
on it as I was leaving, so I KNOW they can hear everything that goes on in
there (which makes me avoid using the highest suction setting since it’s the
loudest).
Since I’ve gone twice only to be told that someone else was
on their way down, I asked for the other person’s schedule so I
could avoid them (we are the only two using it), and wondered if we could create a
sign-up sheet for it. I got zero reply and still have no idea when/if the other
person will be there or not. I asked if we could get a trash can in there
(since when opening the milk storage bags little tabs are ripped off, and since
I eat my lunch while pumping) with no response. I asked if we could get a pack
of sanitizing wipes in the room (to clean up any tiny stray drops) with no
response. I’d like to ask if we can at least get a poster on the wall, to make
it just slightly less “I’m pumping in a storage room” and more “I’m pumping in
a room that just happens to have some file cabinets in it” but if they can’t
get a trash can, I’m sure that asking for a poster would be akin to asking for
a Lazy-Boy Recliner. Which, please note, would also be nice.
The one thing I WILL give them credit for is calling it a "Mother's Room" instead of a "Lactation Room," which is what some places call it. Because nope. There is very little that ruins the joy and magic of nursing and breastfeeding like the word lactation. Lactate. Lactating. Nope, nope, nope.
I get that space is at a premium for most companies and that
a nice, dedicated nursing room might not be possible, but I also feel like on
an effort scale of 1 to 10, they in about a half point. Dude, pumping sucks.
Almost no one likes doing it. If we have to be hooked up to a milking machine
like a frigging cow, at least don’t make it worse with a shitty pumping room.
A nice nursing/pumping room would have:
Dedicated space (only used by pumping moms)
Soothing wall color with nice decor
Table so mother can eat while pumping and/or set
her pump on it
Soft, comfortable chair
Footstool
Schedule where you can reserve the room
Trashcan
Sanitizing wipes
Several outlets so the mother can position
herself and the pump in the most comfortable way
A dream pumping room would add:
Sink
Fridge/cooler to store milk away from the masses
Cubbies/cabinets for each pumping mother to
store pump in between sessions
Natural light (from a frosted or high-up window that couldn't be seen into)
Magnetic board where mothers can place pictures of their children to stimulate let-down
While we’re REALLY dreaming, I’ll add:
TV
Space heater or independent climate control –
pumping while cold SUCKS, amirite? Also see that pun? INTENDED.
Upgrade the soft chair to a massage chair (OMG
CAN YOU IMAGINE?)
Paul Rudd
There’s like a negative percent chance that any of that
would ever happen, but maybe I can get a job designing pumping rooms for giant
companies with wads of money. Google. Call me. We’ll do this.
Somehow I wrote this post months ago and never published it,
but it's got some good information, so I'm publishing it now. Whoops! **Since writing this, we've weaned, so I added weaning info to the end.**
15 months and 10 days. That's how long I've nursed Carys, as of today. It was a hard (let me emphasize: HARD) journey at first, but the last year plus has been amazing. Our nursing relationship is slowing - we're down to a few times a day - and I can't lie; I'm going to miss it like crazy when we're done.
When I look back, I'm mostly just so grateful that it worked for us and grateful for this time with her. I know far too many people who struggled hard and had to make the gut-wrenching (but baby saving!) decision to stop, and we were so close to being there. I'm eternally grateful for whatever tiny graces allowed me to continue. Now, Carys is a busy little girl, and nursing gives us time to reconnect and be still together. Well. Kind of. Nursing a toddler is more gymnursetics than quiet stillness, but it's still a moment to stop together.
Nursing in the Hospital
I had hoped so much when she was born that I'd get to nurse her immediately, but the logistics of it at the time made it impractical (I had a c-section). I have some plans in place for next time and hopefully the next kiddo will get the benefit of my experience. Though I wasn't able to do immediate skin to skin contact with her, we were never apart. She was in the operating room with us as they finished, and we all went to the recovery room together. Once there, they tested her glucose level, because she was 9 pounds. She failed. (I did not have gestational diabetes.) Without really asking for permission, they gave her a bottle of sugar formula. I was and still am thrilled that Chris got to bond with her so quickly and feed her (and he loved it), but next time that will not happen. I knew at the time that I didn't want that (and had read what a nursing mother "should" do in that situation), but didn't know how to advocate for myself. Hearing one of the nurses say that she would never give her baby that disgusting formula solidified it for me. Next time, I will ask to nurse first and then have her re-tested before consenting to the formula. She failed her next one and received another bottle as well, but passed the third. In the end, it was okay - she was a hungry baby, and latched on immediately after finishing the first bottle. We were nursing and doing skin to skin within an hour of her birth, which is great for a c-section baby.
The remainder of the stay in the hospital was a blur. I wasn't super confident in my nursing ability and I wasn't sure it was happening correctly, but none of the lactation consultants that we talked to seemed to see any issues. At this point, it wasn't painful, but it just didn't feel right. I actually stayed in the hospital an extra day (taking the full four days allowed for a c-section) in the hopes that I would be able to leave feeling confident. I do remember that she wanted to nurse all. the. time. Which, you know, newborn. That's what they do.
Newborn Nursing (aka The Worst Days of Our Lives)
For the most part, the first month or two of her life, I wouldn't even wear a top. I was always taking it off to nurse, anyway, why bother? Plus the feeling of clothing against my skin was torture. I'm sure that the UPS guy really appreciated it when I answered the door topless on accident one morning! (It was not a pretty sight; poor guy!). She was nursing every two hours, night and day, and would usually pass out right after nursing. She would also usually pass out WHILE nursing, so it took quite a bit of effort to get her to stay awake long enough to finish a meal. She was what they call a lazy nurser.
Sometime in the first eleven days of her life, it went from not feeling right to being painful. Incredibly, incredibly painful. More painful than anything I'd ever experienced - and I'd just had major surgery! I would put off nursing her as long as I could in order to prolong feeling that pain. Toe curling, foot stomping, sobbing pain. I would cry through our nursing sessions, especially at night. One of my friends came to do our newborn shoot, and she was totally alarmed at how much pain I was in because of it. Once she was latched on, it wasn't bad, but the process of getting her latched on was quite literally torture.
Because of the pain (or maybe the pain was because of this) I got clogged ducts and mastitis. Because of the antibiotics for the mastitis, I got thrush. Thrush felt like a million needles being stuck in my nipples each time I nursed. Mastitis made me feel run down and like I had the flu - just overall sick. I went through the mastitis-thrush cycle at least twice (I have tips and tricks for beating those now if you need any!).
I went to a La Leche League meeting and finally was able to get someone to agree that her latch wasn't right. She would open wide, but then as she latched on, close her bottom jaw. They gave me some tips to work on it, which helped to some degree. However, it was there that someone mentioned tongue tie, and, as I was desperate to blame SOMETHING for the issues we were having, I called the doctor they mentioned who specialized in nursing issues.
So when she was about five weeks old, we saw the special doctor. She confirmed that Carys had a slight case of posterior tongue tie. She could clip it, but warned me that clipping it doesn't always work for that type of tie, and since Carys was older, her latch was already well established so it was even less likely to work. I made the decision to clip it out of desperation (it wasn't too bad!).
They also weighed Carys, and I discovered she'd lost three ounces since her doctor appointment two weeks prior. She clearly was not getting enough from me - the mastitis and my avoidance of nursing on that side (I'd pump instead) had drastically affected my supply. The doctor had me start a nurse/bottle/pump routine. I would nurse Carys, she would have a bottle of pumped milk, and then I would pump. I quickly ran out of pumped milk doing that, so she did get some bottles that were a mix of breastmilk and formula, but I am lucky that we never had to do straight formula. This routine continued for two or so weeks, and it was miserable. I was *always* nursing, feeding her a bottle, or pumping. As soon as I would finish pumping, she'd be ready to nurse again. And I was pumping at least twice in the middle of the night as well. But then! She started taking less and less of the bottle after nursing, and eventually she'd refuse it altogether. At that point, we stopped offering the bottle and I nursed her exclusively.
At the meeting, the doctor also discovered I had vasospasms, and the soothies I'd been using to try to help the pain were actually making it worse. I started taking vitamin E and using a heating pad after each nursing session, and putting a wool breast pad in my bra, and that helped to some extent.
We did have one more scary setback when she was around six weeks. I found a bottle that had been left out, and it had turned pink. Literally highlighter pink! And her diapers were turning pink too - after she'd poop, the wetness that would leech out from the solids would turn pink after a day (I noticed it as I was washing diapers). I finally found some information about a scary infection that could cause milk to turn pink (from, of all places, an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis"), so at a well baby visit, the family doctor we see decided to do a milk culture and see what she found. Well, she found the bacteria that causes that scary infection (serretia marcesens). And clearly it was in Carys's system, too, since her poop was turning pink. This was terrifying, but also confusing, since neither of us had symptoms of being sick. I had to go see an infectious disease doctor (two of them!) to see what was going on and get more information. In the long run, since we never got sick, they decided to let it run the course without drugs (treatment is a very aggressive course of antibiotics that would have required me to stop nursing).
When I was first having so many difficulties, I kept reading that it would improve at around six weeks. That's what really got me through the difficult parts. I'd think, "Okay, I can do one more day. I just need to make it two weeks nursing, and then if I need to stop, I can." When she turned two weeks old, I thought, "Ok, one month. I can do this one month." At a month, I looked forward to that magic turning point of six weeks. Once we hit it, there was no improvement. It was still awful and painful and I was devastated. But I kept telling myself that any day it would get better, and then suddenly....it was. When she was eight or nine weeks old, it just stopped hurting. I don't know what changed. I don't know if she (and therefore her mouth) got bigger so she was able to take more of the breast in while nursing, or if my nipples finally gave up and turned off their nerve endings, or what.
Besides the pain and issues, I remember most how she would pass out every time she nursed. I remember when she stopped doing that (I don't even know how old she was) I had no idea what to do with her...before, she'd pretty much be eating or sleeping. Now she was awake? And wanted to be entertained?
Why didn't I stop during any of that? I honestly don't know. It's the hardest thing I've overcome with parenting yet, and I know that she would have been fine not nursing and having formula instead. But it was important to me, and I really wanted to do it - and, other than the pain, I really, really liked it. I loved sitting with her and cuddling her and comforting her and being able to provide that for her. I wanted to continue. I REALLY wanted to continue. So I did.
Infant Nursing
Around three to six months, we hit our nursing prime. She was fast and efficient, I didn't have to carry around a million nursing accessories, and we had really hit our groove. Carys nursed every two hours during the day and 2-3 times at night at this stage. And I was fine with that. She was actively eating, so she was clearly hungry, and she was still sleeping in our room (using the Rock N Play sleeper), so I didn't have to get out of bed to feed her.
I went back to work full time in October, when she was 12 weeks old. I pumped 3-4 times a day at work, and she had bottles while I was there. No issues there. That, however, didn't last long. After about a month, I realized that working full time away from her was not what I wanted and it was not what would make me happy. I stepped down from my management position and started working part-time - two four-hour days and one eight-hour day. I pumped once during my four hour days and twice during my eight-hour days. My employer let me use (and still lets me use) an intermittent FMLA, which allowed me to pump off the clock without penalty.
At around six moths, she went down to waking up just once during the night. She also was rolling over at night and escaping her swaddle. We decided to transition her to her crib at that point. She did wonderfully, and slept from about 9 p.m. to 8 a.m., and once a night I would go in and nurse. We also introduced solid foods at this age (using BLW), but that didn't have any effect on her nursing schedule. When I was home, she'd still nurse every two or three hours. It was also about this age that she learned the sign for "milk."
That pattern continued until she was about eight or nine months old, when she suddenly started sleeping through the night on her own. (Don't get me wrong - there were a couple of REALLY rough nights! It wasn't all puppies and rainbows!) She also started eating a lot more during the day. I could see my supply had dropped a bit, and she started dropping a session or two during the day.
Toddler Nursing
We now nurse in the morning, before nap, and before bed when I'm home. The nap and bedtimes ones are cursory and just part of the routine; she really doesn't take in much. Depending on the day, she may want to nurse once or twice more or not at all. The morning is where she really nurses. We joke it's her morning coffee. We lay in bed together after she wakes up for an hour some days nursing (which, YAY, because I can sleep!) and then once she is awake awake, she might want to nurse once or twice more before she's ready to face the day. It's like her coffee.
Nursing now is fast and kinetic. She doesn't usually hold still except for when she's going to sleep, and she will move around and look around and kick and stand up and flip over and sometimes try to walk away with a nipple in her mouth.
I'm still grateful for our nursing relationship for many reasons, but one is because I don't have to worry as much about what or how much she eats, since she's still getting my milk, and that gives her a perfect mix of nutrients.
Nursing in Public
Ugh, yes, I'm one of THOSE. I nurse her in public, without a cover. I know, I know. I try to do it somewhat discreetly, but come on, I have big boobs, so that's a relative term. She will not abide use of a cover. And I'm not about to sequester myself away every time she needs to eat, so that equals nursing in public. Lots and lots of nursing in public. Anyway, in my mind, if it's an appropriate situation to give a baby a bottle, it's an appropriate situation to give a baby a boob. And I won't nurse in a bathroom. Come on, that's just gross.
So yes, it's been quite the journey, and I'll be quite sad when we're done with it. I'm hoping that the knowledge I gained with Carys will help the next time go more smoothly and more pain-free, and I hope that some day Carys looks back at this, and after puking in her mouth a bit reading about my nipples, will appreciate how special this time was to both of us. Even if she can't remember...I always will.
Night Weaning and Full Weaning
Since originally writing this post, we've weaned, so I thought I'd add a bit about that process.
She slowly started dropping nursing sessions and was down to 4-6 times a day, always including first thing in the morning, nap, and last thing at night (unless I wasn't home to put her to bed). I was still nursing her to nap and to bed.
We were struggling to conceive and I wasn't getting
pregnant, and I knew that nursing could be impacting that, so I knew that I
wanted to start weaning her. I initially did “don’t offer, don’t refuse”, then
moved on to offering her a snack, a glass of milk, a book to read, or anything
I could think of to distract her from nursing. That worked maybe 30-40% of the
time.To push it further, I started
limiting her sessions by singing a song she was familiar with (we used the ABC
song). I'd let her nurse for a bit, then say, "Ok, I’m going to sing the
ABCs, and when the song is all over, we’re done with milk.” I’d sing the song,
then break her latch and let her repeat this (complete with the song again) on
the other side. Soon enough, she’d anticipate the end of the song and finish on
her own.After a little bit of that, I moved
to a shorter song, or would sing faster. This helped cut us down to just the
three “big” sessions – morning, nap, and night. I think at some point she
realized that she was nursing for such a short time that it wasn’t worth it to
stop playing for such little gain.
The nap and night sessions were the next to be cut, and they
both came at the same time. We went on a trip to Des Moines to meet my mom (who
lives in Dubuque, IA during the school year). Because I had other plans the evening
that everyone else was going up, my dad and sister took Carys and drove her up
to the hotel. She was awake when they took her (right at the start of nap time)
and fell asleep in the car – so she didn’t nurse to nap. Then, they put her
down to bed in the pack-n-play at the hotel, so she didn’t nurse to bed that
night. Now, that’s not entirely unusual – she wasn’t nursing to nap or bed with
sitters or daycare or Chris, just with me. However, I was the one that usually
put her to bed, and she insisted on nursing if I was the one to do it. So she
didn’t nurse to nap or bed that day. I arrived later that night, stayed the
night, and then nursed her in the morning as usual. That day, she again fell asleep in the car
during her nap, and I transferred her to the pack-n-play to finish her nap, so
she skipped that nap session also. That night, we were out late, and she again
fell asleep in the car, and I again transferred her to the pack-n-play without
nursing. That marked two days in a row that she didn’t nurse to nap or bed. The
next day, I nursed her in the morning, and in the afternoon we left to drive
home. We again left at naptime so she’d sleep in the car (nap number three in a
row she didn’t nurse). However, I was nervous about that evening. She’d be back
in a familiar place and, I assumed, she’d want her familiar bedtime routine
back. To avoid that, I had Chris put her to bed (I actually pretended to leave
the house). Night number three without nursing. The next day, I continued to
nurse her in the morning as usual, but when it came time to nap, I tried laying
her down without nursing (since Chris was at work). And…holy crap. She did it.
She asked, I said, “no milk!” and she just went to nap without it. That night,
I again had Chris put her down to bed. The next day would be the REAL challenge
– Chris had school in the evening so wouldn’t be home until after bedtime.I nursed her in the morning, said no milk again
at night (again no fight), and then….said no milk at bedtime, and that was it.
She was fine with it.
If you don’t have the ability to pack up your life and go
out of town, I highly recommend having your partner (or even mom or sister or
sitter) put them to bed and/or nap as you’re cutting the bedtime session. It definitely
helps. That, and disrupting the routine. If you can’t stand crying or begging, I also
highly recommend actually leaving the house. I swear to god the kids know we
are there and turn it up to 150% just to make us feel more guilty and break
down and give in!!!
The morning session was the hardest to break, for personal
reasons. Namely, I got to lay in bed for an extra hour each morning and sleep
while she nursed. We called it her morning coffee, because she’d be grumpy and
tired, and then after the morning session, she’d be bright eyed and bushy
tailed and ready to go.For this
session, I just had to really suck it up, meaning instead of going and laying
down in bed with her, I got up and got fully dressed (to make the boobs harder
to see/access) before getting her, then immediately started the day as soon as
I got her.The first couple days, I
actually took her out of the house after changing her diaper and clothes – she was
so distracted she didn’t even realize we’d skipped nursing. After that, when
she woke up, I’d get her a glass of milk, we’d eat, we’d play, we’d go outside…anything
to get her moving and take her mind off nursing.
We officially weaned about four months ago, but even now,
she occasionally asks to nurse (instead of “milk”, she now calls it “mommy’s
milk…ADORABLE). Probably about 90% of
the time, she accepts a glass of water or milk in exchange, although there are
a few rare times she tries to nurse. She gets nothing, but it’s still clearly a
comfort to her. However, I’m definitely hoping to have it completely cut out at
least six months before the new baby arrives, to try to avoid any jealousy or
issues between her and the new baby. I’m also trying to prepare her, by calling
her a big girl and reminding her that mommy’s milk is for little babies. Because we went so slowly, I never had any
problems with engorgement or pain with weaning (although I did have that after
my milk came in with Caleb – TIGHT sports bras 24/7, even in the shower, no hot
showers or water on them, no stimulation, cabbage leaves!).
If you’re in the process of weaning – good luck! It’s not
easy, and I miss it, but it’s nice to have your body back to yourself. For a
little while, at least.
Warning: Some amount of boob flesh present in this post. More than you'd see on an episode of "19 Kids and Counting" but less than you'd see on an episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." So plan accordingly.
I can see it now: "UGH, mom. Gross. Why did you write this??" as she slams the computer shut or throws the tablet or swishes her hands through the virtual display in front of her. So I apologize in advance to 16-year-old Carys and say to her: I have no excuse other than everyone is doing it. Ok, maybe not everyone is blogging about breastfeeding, but everyone is blogging embarrassing things about their kids. Trust me, future Carys, Google the name of that popular girl, and her mom probably posted a picture of her first poop in the potty on Facebook. I promise you I will never post a picture of you pooping. Unless it's REALLY funny.
So for the rest of you in present time...
She's weaned. We had our last nursing session on Monday, February 18, 2013, in the morning. Nineteen months and eleven days. She's nursed every single day since the day she was born until yesterday morning at least once a day. And oh, my gosh, it's so bittersweet to be done. Honestly, mostly bitter. I'm sure the sweet will come.
We did not have an easy start. We had a hellacious start, actually. I had a c-section (which I truly don't think was related to any issues we had) and we didn't get to do skin to skin time immediately, but I was holding her within the hour. In the recovery room, they tested her blood sugar (routine for 9lb or larger babies) and she failed, so they gave her a bottle of sugar water. I was devastated that I wouldn't get to feed her first, but after she downed the bottle in five seconds flat, she still latched on and ate like a champ (and from that moment on was pretty much an addict). From what I recall, it was uncomfortable in the hospital, but not painful.
Within the first two weeks, though, it had become excruciating. She was a sleepy eater, who would nurse for a couple minutes and then fall asleep. Because of that, she seemed to nurse around the clock, which meant pain around the clock. What came first: the nursing around the clock or the pain? Did the nursing constantly cause the pain or was she nursing constantly because of the pain and she hated me a little bit for kicking her out of the womb?
I remember a friend visiting when Carys was eleven days old and she watched me get her latched on, and I was stomping the floor and clenching my fists and grimacing while doing it, and I'm pretty sure I scared the shit out of her. I remember putting off nursing her as long as I could just to delay the pain a little bit more. I literally had to psych myself up to do it. I remember the awful, godforsaken nights. The nights were the worst, when she just wanted to eat and I just wanted to feed her and I was too tired to help her with a good latch and the pain seemed a million times worse. I cried. A lot. I tried ice and heat and Soothies and lanolin and anything I could think of to help with the pain. I'm fairly sure that I took the pain meds that they'd given me for my c-section in order to help with the pain - and I hadn't needed them for c-section pain since day two.
I had mastitis. Twice. (Surprising remedy? Potato slices. Google it.) I made the mistake of all mistakes and avoided having her nurse from the painful side, because it hurt SO bad. The second time, I learned my lesson and sucked it up, which helped it clear up more quickly.
I had thrush. And endless case of thrush. At least twice officially, corresponding to the antibiotics I was on for the mastitis, but it might have just been one really long bout or a hundred short bouts but whatever it was, thrush fucking blows. It's like a hundred pins being stuck into your nipples at once.
I had vasospasms. If you don't know them, just...I don't even know. Imagine thrush. And the Soothies and cold packs that I'd been trying to use to help the pain that everyone swore by? Made the vasospasms even worse.
I even had a serratia infection, which tinted leftover milk and her diapers hot pink and was diagnosed via an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis." That led me to see an infectious disease doctor (diagnoses: yes, a minor case, but my body was fighting it efficiently and the drugs are very strong and you can't nurse on them, and me nursing her was probably what was keeping her healthy, so just keep on nursing and it should clear up on its own, and it did).
I went virtually topless for weeks on end, as wearing any clothing was excruciating. It became such the norm that I may have (did) answered the door for the UPS guy without a top on. And it was not a positive experience for him, I'm sure - I was just a few weeks postpartum. Not pretty.
I went to support groups and La Leche League meetings. I got advice, but nothing ever helped. She would latch on with a wide mouth, but then she'd pull back her upper lip. And I would cry.
At seven or so weeks, I saw a doctor in a city an hour away who specialized in breastfeeding. She diagnosed Carys with a slight posterior tongue tie. She said they could clip it, and it'd be 50/50 whether her latch would improve. I was desperate. She clipped it. It did not help. We discovered at that visit that Carys had lost weight since her last doctor appointment, and that my output had dropped considerably thanks to the mastitis. I went home with instructions to follow a strict nurse/pump/bottle schedule, where I would nurse Carys and then pump while Chris gave her a bottle. It took a good two hours to complete that routine, and she wanted to nurse every two hours, so I was tied to either a baby or a pump 24 hours a day for two weeks. Or so it seemed at the time. I probably got minutes away here and there. After the first couple of days, I wasn't pumping enough to keep up with the bottle demand and we'd used my frozen stash, so we had to mix powedered formula in with the breastmilk - usually an ounce of each (insert story here about how our dog ate all my frozen breastmilk and contributed to the lack of a frozen stash) (insert story here about death of said dog) (insert 'just kidding' here but seriously I contemplated it). Eventually, she weaned herself off of the bottles by taking less and less after each nursing session and nursing more, and she gained the weight back. This goes back to the sleepy eater: she wasn't getting enough food to stay awake and eat as much as she needed. Once she started getting more milk delivered via bottle, she was able to stay awake longer and exert the energy needed to complete a full nursing session.
But none of that really helped with the pain.
Everyone says that breastfeeding should not hurt like that, but no one had a solution that helped.
They kept telling me that if I could just survive the fist six weeks it would get better.
It did not get better.
Until it did.
For us, that magic point was around nine weeks. I don't know if she just got bigger (and therefore her mouth got bigger and fixed her latch) or if I did something or if she did something or if all the nerve endings in my nipples just decided to say "fuck you, we're outta here" and packed up and left, but whatever happened....it stopped hurting.
From that point on, it was amazing. And truly, it was amazing even in the midst of the struggles. If it hadn't been, I wouldn't have pushed so hard to continue. Minus the pain, I loved nursing her. For whatever reason, it was important to me to be able to nurse her, and I persevered Almost anything else in my life, I would have easily given up by then, but this I stuck out, and I am so fricking proud of myself that I did. I know at one point in the story, you probably asked yourself, "Why the EFF did you keep going?? Formula is not poison!" and thought I was being a martyr (At what point did you hit that thought? The crying? The mastitis? The serratia? All valid choices - for me it was the first time I cried!). And I know formula is perfectly fine. She had some, after all. Granted, it was only maybe 2oz a day for two weeks, but I know she'd be the same amazing kid whether I nursed her or not. But for some reason, I wanted to keep going, desperately.
It was not easy for those first two months, but I did it. I did it. Okay, WE did it.
I'm so glad that I stuck it out. Our nursing relationship ended up lasting for almost two years, and for most of that two years it was something I looked forward to every single day. It was our chance to reconnect, our chance to sit still and gaze lovingly at each other* (*toddler gym-nurse-tics excluded), a way to soothe her when she was in pain or scared or sad, and relief at not having to worry too much about illnesses or nutrition or vitamins or that she was getting enough food. It was also free and it was also easy (see: not having to pack bottles or formula to go anywhere). And let's be real: those two things are huge. But the relationship between a nursing mother and her nursling is unlike anything else.
"Milk" was the first sign she learned, and one of her first words (sounded more like "mauck", except cuter). The last few months, she'd try to dive into my shirt to get at her "mauck."
Each morning I'd bring her into bed with us and we'd all have a short reprieve from waking up while she nursed for an hour or so. We joked it was her morning coffee. When she was done, she'd pop up with a big grin and say, "Hi!"
Each night, we'd read books and get PJs on and then nurse to wind down for the day. She nursed to sleep until she was maybe 15 or 16 months old, and then as she got older she'd nurse til she was drowsy and I'd lay her down awake.
We nursed in public and in private, with covers and without, alone and in groups, while sitting, standing, laying down, walking, driving (well, I wasn't driving). I pumped at a Ke$ha concert and at a comedy show and in cars and at work for over a year. Nursing and pumping where huge parts of my life and of her life.
I knew no matter what, it would be hard to give up.
In the end, she weaned with a combination of my nudging and her readiness.
As I've said before, we're starting to try to conceive number two, and I
think nursing is what has kept it from happening. I know many women are
able to get pregnant and nurse at the same time, but it doesn't appear
that I'm one of them. I'd been doing "don't offer, don't refuse" for a few months when I decided to step it up a notch. I started to limit her nursing time by singing the ABC song and limiting the daytime sessions to the duration of the song. She didn't fight the time limits at all. Then we went on a trip to Des Moines, two hours away. My dad and sister drove her out, right when naptime was starting, so she didn't nurse to go down for a nap. I didn't get out there until after bedtime, so she missed nursing to bed that time too (she'd been able to go to bed without nursing or a bottle if I wasn't the one doing it for a long time). When I did get there, we kept so busy that she didn't nurse to nap or to bed for the next two days, with no protest. That was a huge step. When we got home, I decided to keep up the momentum and had Chris put her to bed that night. And just like that, she was night and nap weaned, at the same time. She asked for it once, and I said, "How about hugs?" and she hugged me and laid her head down on my shoulder, and didn't ask again.
Monday the 18th of February was President's Day, and no one had to work or be anywhere, so I knew we could lounge in bed as long as we wanted. I told myself that it would be the last day of our morning sessions - and therefore the last day to nurse. The next day, I woke up with her, and instead of laying in bed and nursing, we immediately started our day. She didn't even notice that we didn't nurse.
The good thing about knowing it was the last time is that I could plan and prepare and cherish and soak it up and yes, have Chris take a million pictures of it.
I miss it most of all because this girl is not a cuddly child. She's a mover - a runner and a dancer and a climber and a rider and a player. She's not one to lay still with you or let you hold her. Nursing let me wrap my arms around her, feel her warmth, smell her skin, nuzzle her neck, stroke her soft mullet-y hair. Since we've stopped, I've gotten maybe one cuddle out of her. I don't think she's trying to break my heart, but.....
She's asked for it once since then, and I said, "I'm so sorry, the milk is all gone," and she drank water instead and she was okay with that.
She was ready (but was I?).
I'm not going to lie, if we gave this up before I was entirely ready and I don't get pregnant, I am going to be pissssssssssssed.
*updated 3/23/14 with second baby taken into consideration!*
This is a ridiculous list to write, because every. single. newborn is completely different. In fact, you should go out and do the exact opposite of what I recommend here because chances are your newborn will not agree with my newborn. BABY FIGHT! However, I lived for lists when I was pregnant and took the advice of pretty much all of them, which means that I almost ended up with a lot of useless baby shit. Luckily I was all about keeping the receipts and returned things without prejudice regularly. The Target returns guy and I were total BFFs by the end of all this. So my number one piece of advice in terms of baby gear? Keep the receipts and tags and don't be afraid of returning things if you don't like them, they aren't your style, or they won't work for your family. If you are given something that's not on your registry, try to add it and mark it as fulfilled before returning the item. It's much easier.
If you're looking for things not on this list, check out the baby gear bible: Baby Bargains. Also, Lucie's List is a great resource.
BUY USED. If I could go back and tell myself ONE thing, it would be to not buy anything new, and then after my baby shower, buy any missing items used (particularly things like play mats and bouncers and swings that have a very limited lifespan). My new modus operandi would be to buy those things used, sell them after they aren't needed anymore so you don't have to find somewhere to store them until the next kid comes, and then buy used again for the next child. I'm not joking, 1/4 to 1/2 of our garage was full of just baby gear for two years while we waited for our second daughter to be born. Since I bought most of it at full price, it'd have been a huge loss to sell it on Craigslist, so I held onto it. However, if I'd been smart and bought the gear cheaply on Craigslist, I could have sold it when done with it - probably for close to the same price at which I purchased it. And been able to park my car in the garage.
I don't talk about the obvious things that you KNOW you need: Crib (got from a friend). Rocker (got ours of Craigslist). Changing table (got a dresser off Craigslist, threw a pad on top of it). Baby (got ours from a yard sale). Everyone knows you need those things.
MUST HAVES
1. Newborn clothing Aged used: 0 to 6-8 weeks.
I knew I was going to have a big baby. If you remember from some of my other posts, we were looking at a kid in the 95th percentile. And she was big! Nine pounds even. Everyone... EVERYONE...told me not to get too much newborn-sized clothing. And everyone...EVERYONE...gave us 0-3 or larger clothing. So we had literally two outfits in newborn. Everything else was in size 0-3 months. I took one of each to the hospital, thinking that maybe she'd be able to wear the newborn on the day she went home and then probably never again. Nope, wrong. SO WRONG. She was swimming in the 0-3 stuff. We actually had to go out and buy newborn size sleepers for nighttime. If you don't have any, get some. You can always leave the tags on if they end up not needed them. She is just barely starting to outgrow her newborn sizes now at one month old and about 10 pounds. 0-3? Still huge! On the flip side, I know people who had 8 pound babies who didn't fit in NB things. But you won't know that until your kid is here. So I highly recommend investing in some NB outfits that you can take back if you don't need. You don't want to be scrambling for something to dress the kid in once they are here.
Here she is wearing a NB size sundress (it actually fit perfectly; it just looks small in this pic because it's scrunched up) and with a blue 0-3 romper next to her:
Can you imagine how big that would be on a normal size non-mutant infant??
In terms of what to get and what you'll actually use? Since we cloth diaper and she's a summer baby, she almost exclusively wears long- and short-sleeved kimono-style t-shirts, BabyLegs leg warmers, and socks. She's usually chillin like a villian in some variation of this outfit with lightweight blanket during the day (yes, it's 107 degrees out...literally...but thankfully we have air conditioning).
At night she wears a long sleeve sleeper under her fleece swaddling blanket with a hat (our bedroom is FREEZING). I love the gown-style ones; they make nighttime diaper changes a cinch. The cute 3-piece outfits are adorable, for sure. But impractical. I feel obligated to put real clothes on her when we go out lest I be cited by the CPS for an unattractively put together baby, but I'd be perfectly happy having her in the easy, practical outfit above all the time. (That said, there are a couple 0-3 outfits I'm dying to see her in!)
I HIGHLY recommend not buying ahead other than NB and 0-3. You have NO idea what size they will be in during the next season. Basics that you can wear any season, like onesies? Sure, go ahead. But summer rompers or winter long sleeved, hooded sweaters? Wait on it. I can't tell you how many clothes we took back because they didn't fit in the right season. Don't try to guess. You'll be wrong. Also? Children's consignment stores. Do it. You'll get awesome clothes for not a lot of money and love yourself afterward.
KID #2 UPDATE: Same thing with a bigger baby. She still wore NB clothes at 9lbs 7oz, but outgrew them a bit more quickly.
This is what she sleeps in next to our bed. Love the incline, love the rocking, love the small size. If it had automatic rocking, I'd make love to it. Once cleared by the doctor, of course. I folded up a thin blanket and slipped it between the frame and the padding to give it a tiny bit more padding (not enough to make it unsafe I hope) and I also place a rolled-up washcloth under her neck to prevent her chin from slumping into her chest (this is why newborns/infants aren't supposed to sleep in car seats and why pouch slings are dangerous - the chin-to-chest position can cut off their airway). This was a great investment and I know most people who also have it also swear by it. There's a bit of controversy around it and flat head syndrome - the newer versions are plusher, and also don't keep your kid in it 20 hours a day. She sleeps at night here but naps during the day in other places: the swing, my stomach, the couch, etc. (There's also now a deluxe version that is a little bit cushier and vibrates (!!)).
6 Month Update: We started transitioning her to her crib around 4 months and cut back on how much we used this drastically - not for any reason other than we wanted to watch TV in our room again at night. She was also getting a bit long for it, with her feet almost coming off the edge. That said, it was one of the best newborn purchases we made and was extremely useful (and so easy to travel with!). KID #2 UPDATE: She also sleeps in this and I still love it.
This was recalled! We never had issues (clearly) but please don't use it! There are many similar products that do similar things out there!
Yes, you too can be the proud owner of a burrito baby. Even though I'm a ninja expert swaddler with a blanket, in the middle of the night when you're tired it's easy to not get the swaddle tight enough. Result: escaping baby and loose blankets. Enter: the SwaddleMe. Get two so one can be clean at all times. We used this at the beginning, then stopped when it seemed like she wanted her hands out. After a few nights of only sleeping 1-2 hour stretches, I tried it again and instantly she was back to 3 hours at a time. Anything that gives more sleep at night is a must-have in my book.
6 Month Update: We are still swaddling. We've tried an arm out or both arms out, but she doesn't sleep as soundly. She is usually out of the swaddle by morning, but it helps her sleep. We had a cotton one for the summer and now have a fleece one for winter. I assume at some point she'll tell us to stop swaddling her. That's how it works, right? 6 Month and 1 day update: Ok, so I actually wrote the six month updates when she was five and a half months old. And a day later, she just....stopped needing to be swaddled. It took literally a day. How did I get so lucky with this insanely easy baby??
KID #2 UPDATE: Winter baby means fleece swaddles. She also loves to be swaddled.
If you're having a summer baby, you need these. Okay, you probably don't $45 NEED them, but they're definitely a registry item to ask for and hint heavily that you'd like more than another impractical but cute sundress and matching hat. They are heavenly soft and the perfect weight to use in air conditioned rooms when it's hot out. The bamboo ones are softer than the cotton, but the cotton last longer, supposedly. 6 Month Update: We stopped using these once it got chillier around October. However, I think they'll still be large enough for next summer as a lightweight blanket for naps, etc. 9 Month Update: It started getting warm again and we broke these out again. Still work wonderfully for a light cover! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Great summer blankets. KID #2 UPDATE: Winter baby, so haven't used them much yet.
I don't want to be an alarmist or encourage paranoia, but the first few nights I didn't sleep: I watched HER sleep. To make sure she was just sleeping and not, you know, um, not. (I don't even want to type it out, knock on wood). This monitor sounds an alarm if she stops breathing and SAVES my sanity at night. And unlike the somewhat similar in use Angel Care Monitor, this one can be used anywhere, as it clips onto their diaper. (Note: The "Halo" version is now called the "Hero" but it's the exact same thing.) 6 Month Update: Still using religiously. It did malfunction and start to turn itself on (or perhaps became possessed?) and the Snuza customer service was absolutely outstanding. 9 Month Update: We stopped using this around 7 months because she started flipping around in her sleep so much it would fall off and we'd get a false alarm. But it was used daily until that point. And it was such a lifesaver. KID #2 UPDATE: Snuza is still going strong. Still love it.
6. Diaper caddy Age used: 0 to 3 months as a diaper caddy, longer as a repurposed toy caddy
I didn't get an actual diaper caddy for $342 from Babies R Us. Instead, I use a shower caddy from Target for $3. However, whichever direction you go, its a nighttime diaper change LIFESAVER. Assuming baby is sleeping in your room, that is. If she's in the nursery in her crib from the start it wouldn't be needed, since you'll be in with her changing table when you feed her. However, Carys IS in our room and DOES need a diaper change with every feed, so having this on our dresser next to the bed means I don't have to get out of bed at all to change her, and I don't have to move her around as much. Which means I can get back to sleep faster! YAY SLEEP!
6 Month Update: We stopped changing her during the night at around 3 months, or when she stopped pooping in the middle of the night. I'm not sure why - the night changes seemed to wake her more, maybe, or I figured that she'd soon (ha!) be sleeping through the night and wasn't going to wake her to change her at that point. We now use it as a toy caddy to move toys around from room to room. When she's older, I think it would make a great art supply caddy! 9 Month Update: Still using as a toy caddy. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using for toys. KID #2 UPDATE: Used for a few weeks for middle of the night changes in our room.
...or any extra changing pad. A crucial part of the "changing her in bed" plan. Changing your sheets at 2am because your kid peed all over them would not be fun, I imagine. I like this one because it's small and I can just hang it from the drawer pull of our nightstand where the diaper caddy is sitting. 6 Month Update: Though we stopped night diaper changes, this still gets used frequently. 9 Month Update: This may make me a bad mom, but I rarely use changing pads anymore. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still don't use changing pads that often, but I keep this in the car for backseat changes. KID #2 UPDATE: Used for nighttime changes. Kind of a slacker on using it other places.
8. Portable night light Age used: 0 to 9+ months
I can't find the one I have online, but it's very similar to this or this or this or this. Also this but I can't bring myself to recommend a $60 nightlight. For nighttime nursing and diaper changes without waking anyone up (other than me) (and the baby), it's a lifesaver. I reach over, tap it on, and Chris sleeps right through the nursing session and diaper change without even stirring (jerkface). The dim blue color of ours isn't bright enough to make her think that it's daytime and therefore time to wake up for good, and lets her fall right back asleep. I can see just enough to get her latched on and change her diaper. The first few nights I slept with it on the entire time so I could look over and see her at 2am without turning on any lights - and again, it's dim enough that it allowed all three of us to sleep easily even with it on. The fact that it's portable means that if I need a bit more light when latching her on, I can grab it and set it right next to me in the bed without having to shift positions. Or if I need to get up for whatever reason, I can take it with me. When she gets older, it will be great for midnight trips to go potty and she'll be able to turn it on and do it herself.
6 Month Update: Though we stopped night diaper changes, this still gets used frequently and I still believe it will be great when she's older. 9 Month Update: I use this when she wakes in the middle of the night all the time. (Almost) 12 Month Update: She sleeps through the night now, so I rarely use it, but I anticipate that when she's a toddler/older kid she'll like it again. KID #2 UPDATE: Didn't use this because I used the glow from Kid 1's video monitor to do the changes. Also I'm a ninja expert by now and can do it in pitch black.
We have the travel size version (linked above) and strapped it to the side of her Rock N Play sleeper. There's also a full-size version of the sheep here and giraffe here. I don't know if the white noise actually helps her sleep (it seems to?), but I like to think that at the very least it helps set up a routine for her day versus night sleep.
6 Month Update: Still using every night, just strapped to the crib now. 9 Month Update: Still using! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using. Hmm. Should probably look into stopping.....haha. She sleeps just fine without it, so there isn't really a reason to continue. KID #2 UPDATE: Husband decided he needed a white noise machine, so we just use that one since she's in our room. But I anticipate we'll be using it once she's in her crib.
I love this swing because it can be plugged in. It's pretty quiet, and so comfortable looking *I* want to crawl into it for a nap, but mostly the plugged in thing. No batteries! That's huge in the infant gear world. I repeat: NO BATTERIES NEEDED. It has different speeds and sounds and other cool things that you can read about at the link, but NO BATTERIES. I took the included birds off the mobile and replaced them with these bright, graphic stroller toys. It makes no sense to me why they don't include black and white or colorful toys for the mobile, since that's what newborns can see. I understand that the swing's color scheme is subtle and neutral, but they could have included two sets of toys - one for the child as a newborn and then the pretty birds for when they were older and their eyes actually worked. So there you go, Fisher Price. A genius idea for free. You're welcome. Hint: Carys much prefers the front-to-back versus the side-to-side swinging. Be sure to try out both ways.
6 Month Update: Like the Rock N Play sleeper, she is outgrowing this height-wise faster than weight-wise. I stopped using it at around three or four months of age; Chris and the sitter continue to use it occasionally. However, it was worth its weight in gold during the three months that it was used regularly.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: It was packed away around 8 months. The sitter and Chris used it until then. KID #2 UPDATE: Lifesaver. LIFESAVER. She loves it so much.
Recalled! But lots and lots of similar products out there which are virtually identical (but safer!).
This bouncer actually has an automatic bounce feature rather than a vibrate feature like most of the others. Of all the things on the list, this is probably the one we could live without, but when we do need it - like I put it on the shower floor when I'm taking a shower - it's a lifesaver. It also suffers from the "form over function" problem that the swing suffers from, in that the toys on the toy bar are low contrast and pastel. However, these aren't removable. I hook some links to the toy bar and hang brightly colored toys from it and flip the included ones out of the way. Brilliant idea number two ahead: Bright Starts, make one side of the damn toys black and white or primary colors so the newborns using the thing can SEE them and be somewhat engaged by it. Maybe I have a genius child or something, but she will actually look at the toys that I hang, so it'd be nice if the ones included were useful at this stage. Criticism aside, it's very comfy and soft. It does, however, take batteries. Boo. But so do most pieces of infant gear that move, so perhaps it's time to invest in Duracell stock and/or rechargeable batteries. 3 Month Update: We really could probably be fine without this. That said, I know some babies love it and it's the only thing they'll sleep in, but she's pretty "eh" about it for the most part. At this age, she'd rather be in her Bumpo or just chilling in her newborn lounger. So it was great for the first couple months, and now we rarely use it. It's also one of those things that is very baby-specific. Maybe get it and keep the box? Or don't get it - yay saving money! - and only pick one up if nothing else seems to work.
6 Month Update: Eh. I still am ambivalent; however, there were a few weeks there around five months when she started to love it again - when she could reach stroller toys hanging from the bar. I used it while I was showering quite a bit. Now she sits up by herself and will pull herself out, so it stopped being used again once she sat up alone. I would say either this or the swing is very important, but between the two I'd pick the swing. However, the swing is expensive and takes up a LOT of room and is not portable, so if any of those things are imperative a bouncer (or travel swing) might be a better solution. KID #2 UPDATE: Still ambivalent. Probably don't use it enough to warrant the amount of floor space it takes up, but keeping it around for that 5-6 month period where Carys used it just in case.
Now that she's a bit older, she loves sitting in her Bumbo because she loves sitting up and looking around/watching...laying down is for BABIES, or so I imagine her saying. I know some people use it as early as eight weeks, but we waited until almost 12 weeks because I was worried about putting too much pressure on her spine before it was ready. It's probably another "not really needed" item, because she'll be sitting up on her own in another three or so months, but its been really useful at this stage. If you're looking to save, this would be something to cut (along with the bouncer above). Note: You DO NOT need to spend $40 on this. They are on Craigslist all the time - or ask any friend with a baby, they probably have one they'll be happy to pass onto you. Ours was pink and I hated the color but it was also free, so I splurged on a Bumbo cover like this that I kind of love a lot. The Bumbo isn't something you need right away, since they can't use it for a few months. And NEVER use it on a table or elevated surface!
6 Month Update: This was used quite a bit between 3 to 6 months. Now that she can sit alone, it is not used. Also, her chunky thighs now get stuck in it! KID #2 UPDATE: Just started using it with her and she also loves it. Still don't use it on a table!
Ok, this definitely isn't a must-have - but it's something that I use every single day. It wasn't something I would have ever purchased, honestly. I would have thought it was superfluous and a waste of money and space. And I would have been partially wrong. You could probably use a regular Boppy to much the same effect. I happened to have this already as a photography prop, so one day I pulled it out...and it's been sitting next to me ever since. Any time she's laying down next to me, she's on this (like now, she's chilling next to me on the couch on it). I pick it up and put it on the bathroom floor when I go pee or outside the shower when I am showering. She'll nap on it, do tummy time on it, and just kick back and relax on it. It's a bit more supportive for her back and allows positioning that looks more comfortable than a regular Boppy but again, I'm pretty sure a regular Boppy could be used identically for the most part. So not needed, but since I had it already, I love it and am including it on the list simply because I use it all the damn time.
6 Month Update: At around 4 months she was too big to use it comfortably, but it's still sitting on our couch because it's so comfy as a regular pillow! Or because I'm too lazy to find somewhere to store it. One of those things. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Long since packed away. KID #2 UPDATE: Used it for about 2 months before she started rolling off of it but appreciated having it around.
So my kid probably IS a genius, because she'll lie on her back and stare at this thing for a good five or ten minutes and has been since week one. Which in newborn time is like five or ten hours. It's cute, the toys are cute, and they are brightly colored, which means that she can see them. She loves the mirror (babies love faces, she's not that conceited yet.) (Well, maybe. She does listen to her dad and I tell her how cute she is all. day. long.) (Note to self: start praising her for her intellectual capabilities, like her newfound ability to suck and breathe at the same time.). This also is on Craigslist quite often so I wouldn't buy new.
6 Month Update: She still loves this, especially now that she can grab things off of it, but now that she rolls she gets "caught" up in the bars, so we rarely use it. She's just a little too long for it. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Long since packed away.
KID #2 UPDATE: CHANGES! We still have and use the play mat above and it's still great. BUT a friend gave us another mat as a hand-me-down that I thought I'd send to daycare with Kid 2 but ended up keeping at our house because she loves it so much. It's the Fisher Price Kick and Play Piano Gym pictured above. While in use, the overall footprint of this mat is MUCH smaller than the rainforest mat, although it doesn't fold quite as small to put away (since the green plastic parts on this one are rigid). I thought she wouldn't be as interested in the toys since there aren't as many of them, but she LOVES the mirror in the center and the toys are perfectly places so she can grab them. I also love that the bar can be put down to use for tummy time, and that the piano can be flipped to use while sitting. If I was choosing between the two mats, I'd choose this one by far.
She was too little for it as a newborn, but at around 3 months old, the kid kicks around so much that I decided to throw her in there just to see what she thought. She has pretty good head and trunk control, but I rolled up blankets and put them around her in the seat to help, and then put a couch cushion under her feet so she could reach. And she loves it. Like loves it. Loves loves loves it. Another Craigslist regular listing, and another thing you don't need right away since they can't use it immediately. Note: although the base folds up a bit, it's a BITCH to store. If you have a tiny studio apartment, skip this. 6 Month Update: The child loves this. It's probably one of the number one must-haves, I'd say. She loves it with every little bouncy fiber of her being! Note: one thing I didn't realize is that the balls of their feet ONLY should be touching the ground; they should not be flat-footed. I don't think that matters quite as much when you're using it early with a cushion, but once the balls of their feet can touch the ground remove the cushion. 9 Month Update: I stopped using this recently, but Chris and the sitter still use it often. It's probably going to be retired soon now that she pulls up and cruises furniture. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Packed away just after 9 months. However, at a friend's house, I put her in one just for fun and she still enjoyed jumping in it. KID #2 UPDATE: Kid 2 is 3 months old so I tried it out with her. She loves kicking but wasn't as into it as Kid 1 was. But she was also tired already when I tried it - I need to try it with a freshly woken and fed baby. Update: Tried it, and she's okay with it, but it's not her favorite.
Note: Babies R Us has many more colors than Amazon. Sign up for their mailing list and watch for 20% off coupons, which bring the price down to equal to Amazon. We had a tough time deciding between this and the Graco SnugRide 35, but in the end I liked the colors on this one better. They are both stellar, super safe, easy to use and install though. I installed it myself and it was a cinch. We ended up using the seatbelt in the middle seat in back rather than the LATCH system, because there was not LATCH option in the middle, which has been shown to be the safest place for the carseat to go. The LATCH system isn't any safer than a properly installed seat using the seatbelt - it's just supposed to be easier. It's high quality, good fabrics (not as plastic-y as some others), and hopefully will last her at least six to nine months. (Please god, please let it last six to nine months. Just get us through the winter so I don't have to deal with getting a squirming baby in and out of the car in the middle of winter!). Please don't buy a carseat off of Craigslist or used unless you personally know the person. Yes, you can check the expiration date on the seat and check for recalls, but you can't guarantee it hasn't been in a crash, and crashes can cause hairline cracks or other issues that don't seem like a big deal...until YOU get in a crash and the seat fails. Bad news. Bad, bad news. Also, check out this visual guide to car seat safety and use - we were the only people at the car seat safety check who were using it correctly, thanks to this guide.
You might want to consider a second base for your family's second car or even for the grandparents (though it's fairly easy to install with just the seatbelt). 6 Month Update: Still using comfortably at 17 pounds and 26.5 inches. A lot of people think they're too heavy to carry at this point, but I haven't had any issues and still think it's convenient as hell. 9 Month Update: Just stopped using it! She hit 30 inches and outgrew it by length. KID #2 UPDATE: Using for kid 2 and still love it.
17. Carseat canopy (if warm) or Fleece cover (if cold) Age used: 0 to 9+ months
I have these ones, but there are many on the market and on Etsy (mmmmm Etsy). This one looks interesting but I haven't personally used it. The lightweight one helps keep the sun out of her eyes and off of her delicate baby skin when we're out and driving, and (bonus) helps keep grubby hands from touching her all the time when we're shopping. Because everyone loves touching an adorable newborn, and mine is particularly adorable, I think. Note: I thought this blue/yellow/gray pattern was gender neutral but apparently it's not, since she gets called "he" all the time. Um, sorry about any gender confusion you have during puberty, kiddo! Note two: ok, I realize the picture shows the blue as, um, BLUE, but it's really aqua blue/green in person, so it's a lot more neutral than it would appear here. I swear. It also doesn't look quite so much like a Pac-Man game. Not that that's a bad thing.
Important note regarding the fleece cover: these are ONLY safe if you get the version that goes *over* the carseat and does not have a layer that goes between the carseat and the baby (and/or that you feed the straps through). Those are not crash tested and your warranty is voided if you are using them. They can also interfere with the way that the straps fit and work in a crash! Only get one like the one linked, that fits over the entire carseat and has nothing under the baby.
Important note regarding car seats and winter in general: Please, for the love of safety, do not put your baby in a bulky or fluffy snow suit or coat. The fabrics compress in a crash and leave room for the baby to fly out of the seat. One test to see if the coat is too bulky? Put the baby in the car seat while wearing it and tighten the straps appropriately. Then, without loosening the straps, take the baby out and remove the coat. Put the baby back in the seat without changing the tightness of the straps. With a fluffy snowsuit your reaction will probably be OMG THERE IS SO MUCH SLACK THAT IS SO SCARY OMG WHY DO THEY EVEN SELL THESE THINGS? We use a one-layer fleece jacket and the above fleece carseat cover and she's perfectly warm. If she needs to come out of her carseat and be in the cold, I bring a warm blanket, but really - when does that ever happen? Once she's out of the infant seat it will occur more, but that's when the ingenius "backwards coat" trick comes into play - once they are strapped into the carseat, put their big heavy fluffy coat over them backwards. Brilliant!
6 Month Update: The lightweight cover was retired when it got colder, and we're using the fleecy warm one all the time! It's perfect. 9 Month Update: Infant carrier is gone, so this is gone as well. KID #2 UPDATE: Used the fleecy one from birth since she was a winter baby. Still love it.
So glad we got this instead of the whole stroller system. The infant bucket seat sits in the frame and straps in. Because of that, you can only use it as long as you have an infant seat, but let's compare the Snap N Go versus the Chicco stroller that comes with the travel system: Way cheaper. Way lighter. I can't find reliable dimensions, but small and compact versus huge. Trust me. It's so much easier to use and store than the big bulky stroller from the travel system would be. It's good quality, maneuvers well, and is perfect for an infant. When she grows out of her infant seat, we'll get a good jogging stroller for longer outings and jogging walks and a cheapo umbrella stroller for quick trips and places like the mall. Many people end up getting those two strollers on top of the stroller that comes with the travel system and not using the travel system stroller because it IS so big and heavy, so hopefully I'm skipping a step and saving some cash (then use that cash for a vacation to somewhere with a beach, cabana boy, and built-in nanny). (The one I have is pretty universal and works for various brands of car seats, but Graco and Chicco both make versions as well.)
6 Month Update: Still one of our favorite purchases. It is so easy to carry around, so lightweight, so high quality....I'm going to be very sad when it comes time to retire this when we retire the carseat. 9 Month Update: Infant carrier is gone, so this is gone as well. We got the B-Agile from Britax and I love it. KID #2 UPDATE: SO MUCH YES. After using our Britax for so long with the older kid (which I still love) I had forgotten how light and easy the stroller frame was to use. Still highly, highly recommend it.
Trust, I did not pay full price for this. I got it on sale from one of those daily deal sites. But I love it. It's so pretty. And bright. And cheerful. And non-diaper-bag/baby-looking. And high quality! Buttery soft fake leather. Or it's so soft it might be real leather from a unicorn or something. And it's pretty. So pretty. Pretty bird [pet pet pet pet]. I haven't really used it enough yet to critique, but did I mention how pretty it is? The point is, you're going to be carrying a diaper bag around a lot. Have one that you like to carry and makes you happy. And sigh, I'll be totally honest and say that you don't need a pretty diaper bag. You can just get a regular functional one like the one below. If you're smart and want to save money, unlike me. Sigh.
3 Month Update: I've been using it for three months now and can't complain about a single thing. Love it! 6 Month Update: Still love! 9 Month Update: Still love! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still loving this.
KID #2 UPDATE: After nearly 2 years of use, the yellow diaper bag I loved so much started to show its wear quite a bit (the "leather" was flaking off and cracking, etc. Understand that it was WELL used and I am VERY hard on bags (I don't take care of them at all) so this is not at all a complaint about the bag. So I looked for a new one (one that was just slightly bigger to accommodate the stuff of two kids) and ended up with the Timi and Leslie Dawn bag (pictured above). I've only had it a week or so but am in love so far. I've been using it about two months now and really love it. I do miss the bright, fun color, though!
20. A diaper bag HE likes Age used: As long as your child is in diapers
(Note: the bag I had recommended, the Go Gaga bag, is discontinued. SOB. I really, really, really love this bag, still. It still looks brand new after 2 years of hard use. If you can find one, GET IT.)
And yeah, okay, I love this bag too. I technically did not need the yellow pretty bag above (did I mention how pretty it is?). This bag would have served us perfectly on its own. It did not need backup in the slightest. It's crazy high quality (like, the highest quality diaper bag I've ever seen), looks cool, and can easily be used after the kid is out of diapers. My brother wants one for his discs when he plays disc golf. Or "frolf," as he calls it, which I hate because it sounds like some species out of "The Lord of the Rings." The strap is insanely comfortable to wear. Plus, the two side insulated bottle pockets are large enough to hold a bottle of wine. MOMMY NEEDS HER WINE. And, importantly, it's very guy-friendly. I couldn't imagine asking my husband to carry around a girly printed bag or a bag that looks like a purse. My only complaints would be that there should be a pocket on the flap of the messenger one (wasted space!) and there's a sort of weird divider in the inside that's kind of adjustable but kind of not. Neither of those things are deal breakers in the slightest, though. I love this bag SO much.
6 Month Update: Still using this for longer trips or to drop off with the babysitter! Still love it! 9 Month Update: Still using! (Almost) 12 Month Update: I keep this packed for longer trips or trips to the sitter's. I love these bags. Sad update, though - the company went out of business. :( :( :( You can still find them a lot of places if you search "Go Gaga bags" but I'm heartbroken, because I love them and everyone who tries it goes out and buys one for themselves. KID #2 UPDATE: This bag has become our go-to swim class bag or "big" trip bag for all-day trips like the zoo. It's SO comfortable and still in such good shape.
20. Cloth diapers Age used: As long as your child is in diapers
First, let me point out the obvious: HOW FRIGGIN CUTE IS THAT?
Ok. So. Blah blah blah poop in the washing machine blah blah blah. Whatever. To that I say, "How little do you know about newborns to think that poop is only going to get on the diapers? Are you going to throw away every outfit, blanket, and towel that gets poop on it? Because it will happen!" Granted, we have had zero blowouts with cloth, but she has pooped in the bathtub on the little sling they lay in, so that went in the wash. And on a towel after the bath (and by extension me). And on her changing pad. Sling, towel, my pants, and changing pad: into the wash! And no one died from poop contamination. Nor did our washer smell like poop, nor was there poop smeared all over the walls. Cloth diapers are SO easy, especially with a newborn, since newborn poop is water soluble and doesn't need to be rinsed or dumped. The dirty diaper just goes right in the washing machine. We have a great routine down for washing so far (dreading solids, I'll be honest). I can't tell you how many times she's pooped right after I finish putting on a new diaper, and if I was throwing away money each time that happened by putting on a new diaper and I had to change her AGAIN I know I'd be feeling so wasteful. I love not having giant piles of poopy diapers in the trash. Somehow having giant piles of poopy diapers in the wash seems so much better. They're also cuter and don't have that horrible chemical smell. At some point I'll write about my wash routine (succinctly: quick wash on cold with no detergent, then I just run the whitest whites cycle, which is on hot and includes an extra rinse automatically) and favorite diapers, but if anyone has any questions in the meantime I'll direct you here: The Awesome Cloth Diaper Blog. 6 Month Update: Still using and still loving! I actually do not mind changing diapers in the slightest, nor do I mind diaper laundry. Which is shocking since I hate washing my and Chris's clothes. But hers? Loads* of fun! (Ha, see what I did there?) 9 Month Update: Still using and loving! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using. Still LOVING! KID #2 UPDATE: Still using all our cloth diapers from Kid 1 and still loving it.
21. Pacifiers Age used: 0 to 4+ months, sporadically
So I had (have?) this theory that if you don't use just one pacifier or bottle nipple the baby won't get nipple confusion because you'll teach them right away that there are different types of nipples and that you suck on each of them differently and they'll easily be able to tell what the boob nipple is and latch well on it. True? Giving newborns way too much credit? No idea, since we've had so many non-latch related issues with breastfeeding (from the start; pacifiers had nothing to do with it). Regardless, she does take four different types of pacifier with four very different nipples somewhat readily. That is, she'll take it on HER terms when SHE wants. If she doesn't want a pacifier at that point there is no way in hell you're going to get her to take it. But if she just wants to suck, she'll take it with no problem. A lot of breastfeeding resources say no pacifier, and that the baby should get all their sucking needs on mom's breast, but since she wanted to suck 24/7 and I like my nipples attached to my body, that wouldn't work for us. Girl likes to suck, and suck hard. (Please no dirty sex jokes about my newborn). We have the Natursutten orthodontic nipple, Natursutten round nipple, Gumdrop, MAM, and the hospital one, which is a lot like the GumDrop but softer. The hospital and Natursutten orthodontic are her favorites.
3 Month Update: Ignore everything I said above and just get a Wubbanub (above). I picked on up on the advice of a friend and a) it's adorable and b) it's the first 'toy' she's actually grasped and kind of played with and c) she can put it back in her mouth on her own and d) the stuffed toy part helps it stay in place. GENIUS! Although I take back the ignore everything, because I do think if your kid loves pacifiers there does seem to be something to the theory of using a bunch of different ones to avoid nipple confusion (at least in our experience). However, Carys just doesn't really like pacifiers and only uses one maybe once a week or so. She likes chewing on the feet of the giraffe more than anything. We still have and use the other pacifiers as well, but this is our go-to that she's most likely to accept. 6 Month Update: So a month after I recommended the Wubbanub, she decided she hates all pacifiers. I know that's a good thing when she's 3 years old and I'm not having to explain to her about the pacifier fairy that takes pacifiers from big kids and gives them to new babies, but right now when all she wants to do is suck on something for comfort and that something is my boob....I wish she took a pacifier. She does like chewing on the rubber of any pacifier. But not sucking on it. However, that's rare. Most kids don't reject them like that, so I stand by these recommendations! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Never again took a paci. Boo! KID #2 UPDATE: So this kid, unlike Kid 1, is a pacifier FIEND. She loves it. And her favorite of all of them? The Wubbanub. BY FAR.
22. A Comfortable Baby Carrier (my choice: Beco Gemini) Age used: 0 to 24+ months
This is a time when it's super, super important to TRY BEFORE YOU BUY!! There are rental programs online where you can select a variety of carriers (wraps, ring slings, structured, whatever) and try them out. If you're doing it before the baby arrives, I recommend using a bag of sugar or flour to approximate the weight of a baby and walk around with it. Yes, you'll look like a damn fool, but when you are able to get the perfect carrier for yourself you'll thank me! I rented the Ergo Performance, the Beco Gemini, and a carrier from Olives and Applesauce from PaxBaby.com's carrier rental program. Of the three, I much preferred the Beco (though it is padded and therefore HOT in the middle of summer in Nebraska, but not a deal breaker in the slightest - I just dressed her to compensate). But again, I highly recommend that you rent a few yourself and see which works for your body and baby. We also have a ring sling and a wrap (ZoloWear and SleepyWrap (now called Boba Wrap), respectively) that I really like as well. Each carrier serves a different purpose: the soft structured carrier (like Beco) is great for walks and hiking and more active outings; the ring sling is great to pop the baby in for a quick trip to the grocery store, and the wrap is great for wearing around the house. You can also nurse easily in most of them. But regardless of which route you go, a good carrier is essential for those times when the baby just wants to be held and by golly you have things you want to get done that require more than one hand!
6 Month Update: I use the Beco for walks and such all the time, and love the ring sling (on my hip now!) for trips to the store. I lent our SleepyWrap to another mama, so I am not sure how that would do at this age. But babywearing is definitely a huge win in our book. 9 Month Update: Still using (Beco mostly) and loving! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using the Beco and loving it. I also have started doing a hip carry with the ring sling for quick trips. KID #2 UPDATE: Still using the Beco mostly (though the Sleepy Wrap was great the first few weeks). We recently went hiking with Kid 1 and wore her for a lot of it, at 2 years old and over 30lbs, using the Beco!
23. Baby crack Age used: Doesn't matter, it's free!
Ok so obviously we don't want our babies watching TV. BUT sometimes we need to pee. This is also known as the "Wee See" collection on YouTube (collection one and two). She loves "watching" TV and, obviously, Ihate her "watching" TV (if the TV is on, she'll crane her neck like 360 degrees to try to catch a glimpse of it), but I don't feel as guilty about this, since it's visually stimulating and plays classical music. So if she's fussy and I need a few extra minutes to finish something I can play this and it will distract her long enough to let me finish.
6 Month Update: She still loves this! 9 Month Update: Still works to catch a few minutes of peace to go pee! (Almost) 12 Month Update: She'll still watch this, but our new "go-to" baby distractor is YouTube videos of other babies.
24. Productive Parenting website Age used: It's free! Doesn't matter!
Let's face it, babies can be kind of boring. They don't really...DO much. They're awesome to look at and you'll probably never get tired of counting their tiny toes over and over, but when it comes to entertaining them...it's easy to get stuck doing the same thing over and over. The Productive Parenting site lets you search for activities based on age (newborn to five years) and you can sign up to get an activity emailed to you daily. Some of them are no-brainers that you probably don't need prompting for (like tummy time), but most of them are great and get you out of the "watch as I shake this rattle in front of you" rut (like darken the room and move a flashlight around for them to watch).
6 Month Update: Still love this for ideas! 9 Month Update: Still using this site! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still great!
She didn't get into Sophie until about three months, but once she did, it was a pure love/love relationship. Even at three months, she could easily grasp it and maneuver it into her mouth to suck and chew on. Plus, it's adorable. On the downside, it is pricey (but you can get it from Amazon way cheaper than Babies R Us or anywhere else!). I would definitely buy it again.
6 Month Update: Her FAVORITE toy. She loves it! Talk about it more in the "6 Month Baby Gear" post. 9 Month Update: She's mostly over Sophie. (Almost) 12 Month Update: She's into OTHER kid's Sophies, but mostly ignores hers. KID #2 UPDATE: Interested when I show it to her, but can't quite grasp it yet.
I put this here without comment, other than I know you're judging and thinking it's disgusting and you'd never do it and then in a moment of desperation when you can't get the gunk out of your baby's nose and she's miserable and you're miserable and the damn hospital bulb everyone told you to steal won't fit in her tiny nostril and she is acting like you're actually trying to murder her, you remember this and you order it and you now know the amazingness that is....the Nosefrida.
6 Month Update: Lifesaver. 9 Month Update: Haven't had a runny nose in a while but I'm glad to have this for when it does happen.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: We've had lots of snotty noses thanks to teething, and this is still fantastic. KID #2 UPDATE: After sitting a while, the tube started to get mold in it. YUCK. Also probably my fault. Rather than cleaning it I just got a new one. But it's still a lifesaver.
27. A Real Towel Age used: 0 to 24+ months
I realize this looks like just another hooded baby towel, and okay, you're right, you caught me. However, it's a nice one. A (way too) expensive one. However, it's huge and thick. What I learned too late was that those three or four packs of baby towels? Like this one or this one? (Which I registered for and received before I knew better, boo to me!). They are cute. But they don't keep the baby warm. And once the baby weighs more than a loaf of bread, they hardly cover the baby. That generally equals a baby who starts to cry once they are out of the bathtub. If you don't want a crying baby, use a real adult towel, or splurge on something nice and thick and big like this Sprout one (which I got for 50% off on sale, yay!) (also it's really seriously cute).
6 Month Update: Still using, still super cute and warm. 9 Month Update: Still using! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using. Still love! KID #2 UPDATE: My new favorite are from Carter's - they're even softer and bigger than the Sprout ones (though not organic).
This fun little book is super soft and easy to turn the pages, and she loves chewing on all parts of it. The colors are vivid as well as black and white, so she finds it fascinating, even as a newborn. You can also use it as a photo album for when they are a bit bigger.
6 month update: She kind of lost interested in favor of "real" books. 9 month update: Put pictures of our family in it and she LOVES it. She carries it around everywhere! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still one of her favorite books! KID #2 UPDATE: Took the family pics out and she loves looking at the black and white pictures. 29. Baby-safe Sunblock Age used : 0 to 12+ months
SunSCREEN is not safe for your baby, as it uses chemical blockers that they should be exposed to for the first six months to year of their life. SunBLOCK, however, is safe from birth and uses ingredients in the mixture that physically blocks the sun. Confusingly, many sunscreens are labeled sunblocks and vice versa. We've been using Blue Lizard (hint: apparently the "sensitive" and "baby" versions are the same but the sensitive is cheaper) and I really like it. Another brand I've heard great things about is Badger Baby sunscreen - another technical sunBLOCK that is safe from the time they are born! I don't think Blue Lizard smells bad or is too greasy, and it covers really well. If you're interested, here's a great discussion on the difference between sunscreen and sunblock and recommendations for babies.
AND IF YOU'RE NURSING, ADD...
Eventually I will do a "nursing" version of this list, but for now, here are the basics.
1. A good pump (and a manual pump or knowledge of manual expression) Age used: 0 to 12+ months.
I'm using the Medela Pump In Style Advance, on loan from a friend. I know technically you're not supposed to share pumps, but I've known her for years and if she has ebola, she keeps it well hidden. I boiled all the parts and got new parts as well, so I'm confident in using it. It's a lifesaver for providing milk to babysitters, making your husband do nighttime feeds, and just when your boobs need a goddamn break every once in a while (most people recommend waiting until after 2 to 4 weeks to introduce a bottle). It is a pain to cart around for just a couple hours, especially if you aren't sure there will be a plug available, so I also have a manual pump that I toss in the diaper bag just in case. I have the Avent brand manual one, but I'll be honest: I don't love it. I'd probably try something else next time.
6 Month Update: I did have to rent a hospital-grade pump for a few weeks during the Great Supply Tank Thanks to Mastitis Fest 2011, but once everything was back on track this was perfect again. I use it at least twice a week when I'm at work. 9 Month Update: Still using twice a week at least. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still pumping! KID #2 UPDATE: Thanks to Obamacare, I got a new pump, but stuck with the Medela PISA. Still love it.
2. Boppy or My Breast Friend Age used: 0 to 6 months
I have a Boppy, but from everything I've heard and read the My Breast Friend might be the better option for positioning while breastfeeding, but I have hte Boppy, so that's what I'm most familiar with. We took the Boppy to the hospital at the advice of the person who gave us the Boppy, and I'm so glad we did. Even Chris loves using it to hold her. I will say it's not 100% completely necessary, but it's one of those "very nice to have" things. Maybe don't buy it if things are tight, but ask for it at your baby shower.
6 Month Update: We stopped using it as a nursing pillow as she outgrew it by length, but continued to use it as a pillow to prop her up a bit and more recently around her hips while sitting as a little extra support. Now that she sits well on her own we don't need it as much, though. 9 Month Update: Boppy is long packed away. KID #2 UPDATE: Used the Boppy quite a bit the first couple months.
3. La Leche League or lactation consultant number on speed dial Age used: Length of nursing relationship.
Breastfeeding is not going well for us. I can't imagine horribly it'd be going if I didn't have the support of these women and professionals.
6 Month Update: It got much better around the 10-12 week mark and we're still going strong. 9 Month Update: Still nursing! Haven't had to call for help but it's good to know they are there if I need them.
4. Some type of bottle (We mostly used Breastflow, Dr. Brown's, Playtex Ventair) Age used: 0 to 9+ months.
I liked having a bunch of different bottles that I alternated between because of my pacifier theory above. This may or may not work for you - some babies are VERY particular about what they will accept. This is also why I don't recommend buying a thousand of any one type of bottle - if your kid doesn't take that bottle, you're stuck with a thousand worthless bottles. Get one each of a handful of brands and see what your kid likes before committing. The Breastflow bottle is supposed to be best for mimicking the way the baby eats at the breast, but it was a slightly fast flow for her as a one- and two-month-old (she'd choke when drinking, even with the slow flow nipple). Because of this, I picked up the Dr. Brown's bottles as well, because they have preemie flow nipples that seem to be a better speed (read: she's not choking every other swallow). We switch back and forth but at as a newborn, she prefers the Dr. Brown's with the preemie nipples. It's also great for minimizing gas and air bubbles. It is a lot of parts, but since we don't use bottles that often, it doesn't bother me. If I was washing 5 or 6 bottles a day, I might look for one with less pieces.
3 Month Update: I ended up getting some Dr. Brown's wide-mouth bottles so she'd have to open her lips more like she does when breastfeeding - the regular Dr. Brown's are really tiny nipples and I was worried it might be affecting her latch - BUT they don't make a preemie nipple for the wide-mouth bottles, so I'm glad I had the standard ones as well for when she was smaller. I also got a Tommee Tippee bottle that I like decently, and a Playtex Ventair and a Playtext Premium Drop-In. So far there's not a bottle I don't like in terms for form/function - just that we needed the preemie nipples from Dr. Brown's (the only preemies we could find) when she was a small baby. The Breastflow are also a great speed for her now. I like the drop-ins well enough, but they're kind of a pain. I did melt the Playtex Premiums a bit when I was trying to sterilize them - whoops (don't boil them!). I also tried both silicone and latex nipples but she didn't seem to have a preference. Someone told me the latex ones are softer and more skin-like so they are better for breast-fed babies, but I don't know if that's necessarily true. 6 Month Update: We use the wide-mouth Playtex Ventairs and Dr. Brown's almost exclusively for no other reason than that's just what we happen to grab most often. 9 Month Update: Still using the Playtex and Dr. Brown's. I still have her on stage 1 nipples so she has to work for the milk and doesn't start to prefer them over the boob. She's also started to drink from a sippy cup by now. (Almost) 12 Month Update: We stopped bottles around 10 months and transitioned to sippy cups. KID #2 UPDATE: We've used the Playtext, Dr. Brown's, and Breastflow with good success.
I keep this on the floor next to the bed. When she wakes up, I grab it, throw it behind me, and presto chango I have support to sit up and nurse without having to rearrange every pillow on the bed! Seriously, night nursing has become so much easier thanks to this. Now if only I can master nursing while lying down....
6 Month Update: Since she now sleeps in her crib, I feed her in the rocking chair in her room if she wakes up at night. But I still like this for early morning cuddles! 9 Month Update: Still in our room, being used for reading, etc. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using - not for breastfeeding but for night reading! KID #2 UPDATE: Still love using this.
6. Breastfeeding supply caddy Age used: 0 to 3 months.
Yes, the second caddy of the list. You'll quickly learn that taking care of a newborn is all about easy convenience and that you may not think getting up to grab your nipple cream off the bedroom dresser is a big deal, but it is. Oh, it is. Have a basket where you keep all your breastfeeding supplies - pump parts, storage bags or bottles, hands-free pumping bra, nipple cream, breast pads....anything you need to nurse or pump. First, you won't lose anything (unless you're me and can lose the TV remote when you JUST changed the channel and haven't moved position WTF?), and second, when you go from the bedroom to the living room to the bedroom (or wherever your preferred nursing/pumping areas are) you just grab the whole thing and nothing is forgotten. As always: the name of the game is EASY.
6 Month Update: I don't use this anymore, really, because we no longer need the nipple cream or breast pads or breastshields - but it was so useful when I was using those things.
KID #2 UPDATE: Didn't need quite so much "stuff" with the second kid, since nursing was so much easier, but still nice to have in one place.
7. Nursing camis/tanks Age used: Length of nursing relationship.
You'll need nursing bras too, but next time I would buy almost all nursing camis and tanks and very few actual nursing bras. Worn under regular shirts, the nursing camis offer full stomach/back coverage (not to mention extra smoothing action, which is awesome for that post-birth jiggle belly). And also, you know how when you're 9 months pregnant you get insanely hot sometimes? Or maybe you were lucky and you don't know. Or maybe you're a dude who is reading this blog for some bizarre fetish reason and you can imagine (and like to do so while wearing a latex diaper), but you don't know because you don't have a uterus. But that same hot flash happens when you're nursing (and maybe it's just a post-baby thing that formula-feeding moms get too?). Camis and tanks are great because you can just whip off your shirt and still be presentable. Presentable-ish. As presentable as you can be with breastmilk spots and lanolin stains and baby spit up all over your cloths. Oh, for night? The tanks work then too, but I really love the v-neck wrap styles where you can just pull over the cup. Does that even make sense? These:
They are so much easier than trying to fumble with those freaking clips. OH THOSE CLIPS. One-handed my ass (ok, some of them really are, but some of them are a pain in the butt.)
Note: If you're getting nursing bras/camis, look for ones where the strap is attached to the front of the bra somehow. I don't know how to explain this well, but if you unhook the bra cup and the strap isn't attached to anything, it will fall down your back sometimes and it's a pain to try to fish it back up. Some (maybe most) have an under layer that will keep the strap in place. This is pretty much impossible to explain in writing. Just read my mind and know what I mean, please?
6 Month Update: I need more. 9 Month Update: Still using. (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still using! Although now I usually just pop the boob out the top and don't bother unclasping it. KID #2 UPDATE: Still like these - particularly the tanks - so my stomach is covered while nursing.
ON THE FENCE
These are things that have not yet been used and are, in fact, still in their original box while their fate is decided. Several of them turned out be very useful closer to the six month stage, so they are things you can delay purchasing until then.
I've heard amazing things about this and think it will be wonderful for when she's older. I also am tempted to set it up in our room so we can sleep under the stars and learn constellations. I could be an astronomer! And if I attach vague meanings to what I see, an astrologist as well! Dual bonus!
6 Month Update: Still in the box. 9 Month Update: Unpacked, still not using, though when I turn it on she does like to stick her hands over the lights.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: Still not using. She shows an interest in it, but it doesn't do anything for her at night. Maybe when she's older? KID #2 UPDATE: She's still in our room so we haven't used it with her, but at around 2 years old, Kid 1 discovered the turtle and started using it.
We did not pay even close to full price for this stroller. We got it on Woot.com. (Please tell me you know Woot?!) She's still too little for it, but just looking at it I think it's going to be a good buy. It's not as high quality as, say, the City Jogger, which is another stroller I was looking at. But I anticipate liking it.
6 Month Update: Love it! Talk about it in the "6 Month Baby Gear" post. 9 Month Update: Huge change!! Sold and switched to Britax B-Agile. There's a lot I really loved about it and I lot that I actually miss that the Britax doesn't have (baby sits higher! can face forward or back! everything is adjustable!) but it was heavy to lug around and the B-Agile is one-handed to open and close. If I didn't need something that was a bit easier to use, I'd still be using it - it was a GREAT stroller.
Again, we haven't used this. In fact, it's still in the box and I haven't even looked at it. But I love the fact that it can be used in so many ways, and even for two kids at once. Since we're planning on having the second in about a year (or at least trying for the second in a year) it will come in handy. Regardless, I kind of wish we hadn't bought one so early because the box is just taking up room. They'll still have high chairs in six months when she's ready for one; we didn't need it now.
6 Month Update: Love it! Talk about it in the "6 Month Baby Gear" post. 9 Month Update: Still love! (Almost) 12 Month Update: Still loooooving. KID #2 UPDATE: Started sitting her in it at around 3 months so she could sit with the family, so this time I was glad to have it on hand the early months. Kid 2 has been using the booster seat portion for about a year.
Another "must have" on every list. Too little to care now!
6 Month Update: We still don't really use it, but it's still very cute. I would purchase this over something like the Rainforest soother (in the "returned" section") any day. 9 Month Update: Still don't really use it. Still cute. (Almost) 12 Month Update: She never got into the Seahorse. Sad! I packed it away and will try to bring it out again sometime, but at this point we could have easily done without. She isn't really into any loveys. KID #2 UPDATE: Haven't used it for Kid 2 yet, but Kid 1 discovered it around 2 years of age and started sleeping with it.
Nothing wrong with the quality of this. We just haven't used it yet. I was planning on using it in our room for her to sleep in, but we got the Rock N Play Sleeper instead. Then I put it in the family room for when we were down there, but...we're never down there. If we had another room of the house that we were in often - especially if it was on a different floor like our family room is - it'd come in handy for naps and diaper changes. If you have that situation, I'd definitely recommend it. However, we're always on the main floor and I have easy access to diapers and wipes and her swing and bouncer and Rock N Play so we just haven't needed it. This might be a good "wait and see" item.
6 Month Update: We lent it to a relative who needed a crib. So it never got used by us. However, I still think it'd be great if you had two levels or spaces that the baby might sleep in, or if you travel a lot and the baby has outgrown the Rock N Play Sleeper. 9 Month Update: Still with relative.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: Still with relative, but I need to get it back because there have been several times we've been on overnights to places and it would have been EXTREMELY helpful to have. KID #2 UPDATE: Never got the first one back from the relative, but around a year of age I broke down and got one from Craigslist for Kid 1 to use because there were so many times we were traveling and needed one for her to sleep in. At around 2 years of age, she was too long for it, so I replaced it with a little travel cot. Kid 2 hasn't used the pack and play yet but it's just a matter of time.
RETURNED
1. JuJu Be Hip Bag
This is the one thing I bought that I was actually disappointed in. (Yes, at one point I had three diaper bags. WHAT?) The quality was so much lower than the other two bags I had, and the changing pad was essentially just a piece of unpadded plastic. I couldn't imagine using it on any hard surface. It looks like a great gender-neutral, dad-friendly bag, and I was initially happy with it....but once the other bags arrived and I looked at some of the other options (even the Skip Hop bags at Target) I realized how flimsy and inferior it was. A lot of people swear by the JuJu Be bags, but I'll never buy another one.
We didn't try this until she was five or six months old, but immediately, it was apparent it needed to go back. It is SO BRIGHT. She loved watching it and loved the sounds - but it definitely did not soothe her. She'd cry when it turned off. She eventually learned to turn it on herself by kicking it (probably accidentally), but if she ever flailed around in her sleep and turned it on, the extremely bright light would wake her up. Returned!
9 month update: It has such good reviews, I feel like I'm missing something with it - but we have not missed having this at all, so we're totally fine without it. I think she'd like watching it while awake, but it did nothing in terms of soothing or helping her sleep.
3. Almost every toy that requires batteries.
Okay, I realize that multiple things I listed do actually take batteries, but I'm talking toys here, not baby gear. I am trying hard to keep those types of toys out of the house, but I know in the long run it will be a futile effort. As a friend told me, the first year people buy cute clothes and books to impress the mom...and starting with the one year birthday people buy loud flashy toys to impress the kid. But until then, hopefully she can survive without Baby's First Singing and Talking Laptop.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: Ok, we have a few (sigh) toys with batteries. A phone, some keys, and a play house, and a few other things. But I still try to keep it as battery-free as possible, and I still think that when they are 0-6 months you can easily get by without them.
4. Clothes that weren't my style or that were the wrong season.
Let's face it...the poor kid has me for a mother. Which sadly means I gave her a fucked-up name that she'll forever be pronouncing and spelling for people (but seriously, she's growing up in world where people take the perfectly good name Aidan and spell it Aiydenn, so...at least hers is a real name. Spelled right). And it also means that until she can dress herself, I get to dress her. Which means no sparkly pink t-shirts proclaiming that she's a spoiled brat or that she's the boss or even that she's a pretty princess. A good chunk of her clothes are clothes I would wear, and that means they skew more gender neutral and classic. She has beautiful dresses, trust me. And I can't wait to put her in them. But they are more A and less B. There's nothing wrong with B...it's just not my style. And also she'll probably grow up to be a stripper. But mostly nothing wrong with it. If you want to raise a stripper. (KIDDING, please don't hate me if you love that style.)
A: Yes B: Please god no
And we probably won't have much use for sundresses in size 6-9 months, since it will be the middle of a frigid winter here. Conversely, we don't have use for a snowsuit in size 3 months.
So for all those clothes, they either got returned or given away. There's no reason to keep them unless someone made them or they have been passed down through five generations. Instead get something practical, like more kimono-style tee shirts.
5/6. Bottle Warmer and Wipe Warmer
Someone told me to take these back, and THANK GOD. As they said, if your baby gets used to always having perfectly warmed bottles and a perfectly warm wipe, what are you going to do when those aren't options? Carys taking room temperature wipes (well, since we cloth diaper, wipe spray) and bottles that are even a bit cool (we take the cold edge off but don't try to get them warm) was a godsend.
6 Month Update: Have never missed either of these things, even in the dead of winter. 9 Month Update: Still not missing.
7. Duplicates
This is obvious, but some people keep them around "just in case." Don't. Unless it's a lovie (blanket or stuffed animal) that you think the kid is going to latch onto and never let go, you don't need more than one bouncer or more than one diaper bag play mat. The more stuff that comes into the house, the messier it will be. We got 8 million blankets. We kept the hand-knit ones, a few lightweight ones, a few midweight ones, and a few heavier ones and returned the others. We got six almost identical large stroller toys. She has about 100 stuffed animals. We took any back anything that we could (unless it was exceptionally cute).
I realize this may sound ruthless, but seriously: CLUTTER. Baby does not need 100 stuffed animals. They will literally band together and take over the entire house at night when they come to life (other people believe that, right?). We couldn't even store all the blankets, there were so many. Her toy basket is overflowing and she can't even hold her head up yet. Whenever I took something back, I made it a point to get something else for her because otherwise I felt guilty, but it could have been something as simple as a board book, and the rest I spent on ice cream. If there is anything you're not sure about, keep it in the box and keep the receipts in case you decide you don't need it. Or, be super crazy ruthless like me and just take it back. If I decide later she does need the talking giraffe that teaches your baby Chinese, I can always go back and get it. I even took back a bunch of stuff I registered for in the first place. When registering you go kind of crazy and everything looks like something you need. Then when you actually receive them, you wonder why the hell you asked for it. Or you take time to do research and realize that you don't really need a bottle warmer, especially one that gets terrible reviews. If that happens to you, take it back!
Man, I know that makes me sound ungrateful and cold-hearted, but you will get so. much. stuff. that you don't need and if you aren't ruthless with your keep/go away decisions, you'll end up with a house full of baby stuff that is never used and that you'll be desperately trying to sell at your Aunt Judy's annual garage sale and/or possibly on an episode of "Hoarders" in a few years.
Note: I linked to the new version of all of these things, but watch Craigslist for used options. I got several of the things on the list that way for way cheaper than new. Off the top of my head, I know I've seen the Rock N Play, tons of Pack N Plays, swings, bouncers, play mats, etc. listed all the time.
OTHER STUFF
1. Bath tub
We have the Fisher Price Rainforest tub. It's fine. It's cute. As far as I can see, they're all pretty much the same. The sling insert was great for when she was a newborn. She outgrew it pretty quickly, and then there was an awkward period between the sling being too little and her not being quite big enough to sit in the tub herself. We got a cheapo foam baby bath insert to use in the Rainforest Tub until she got a big bitter that worked well.
(Almost) 12 Month Update: At almost a year old, she still takes her baths in the baby tub - it's just faster and uses less water than filling up the whole tub. She's certainly old enough to take a bath like that, but we're both content with the baby tub still.
KID #2 UPDATE: I got the Angelcare Bath Support (pictured above) for Kid 2, because she was going to be taking baths with her big sister from the start. I really like it - I fill the tub up (more than recommended for use with the bath support, but I am RIGHT there at all times) and she lays in this while her sister bathes. It makes bathtime really easy. I also think that if I had to give Kid 2 a bath on her own and wanted to save water/time by not filling up the sink all the way, it would fit in our single-basin kitchen sink. The footprint is fairly large so I'm not sure it would fit in a double basin sink or bathroom sink. If I didn't have Kid 1 to bathe, I'm sure I just would have used the rainforest tub again and been fine with it.
