Baby Squish : 38 Weeks

So I'm having a baby NEXT WEEK.

YAY!

Also, OMG.

Also, HOLY SHIT.

Also, SO EXCITED!

Also, SO SCARED!

Are we ready? Ish. Ready-ish.

Name: Semi-ready. We have a front runner, but, like with Carys, we won't make the final decision until the powers that be force us to do so at the last minute and threaten us with naming her Nevaeh.  I think the front runner will probably stick, because if you ask Carys what the baby's name is, she answers with this name.

Mentally: Uhhhh...no? I don't know. I know that we're having a baby, but it still hasn't hit in terms of reality and what life will be like (good or bad). I'm trying to prepare, but I don't think there is any preparing that can be done. I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around this. Around all of this. Around having a little baby again and having to deal with two kids and having surgery next week and pretty much no head-wrapping has been done. Around anything. Around any part of this.  How have I been pregnant for nine months and not figured out that this is happening yet?!?!

Physically: YES. READY. Ready to not be pregnant anymore. I've been lucky and it's been so easy, but it's uncomfortable. I will miss so many things about being pregnant (mostly feeling her move - FAVORITE THING EVER) but lighting crotch can go DIAF.  You know that song in "Beauty and the Beast" where Gaston sings that he's "roughly the size of a baaaaaaaaaarge!"?  (What? Don't tell me I'm the only one that knows every song in that movie by heart...) Yeah. That.

Room: In-progress. We hired my cousin to do it. He says he can get it done in the next two weeks, before the new carpet is installed. Um...so did I mention the new carpet is scheduled to be installed either the day I come home from the hospital or the day after? I'm hoping they get a cancellation and can move it up a few days, but if not, I'll be spending the day at my parent's house (maybe even going straight from the hospital to their house) with Carys while Chris "supervises" the installation. At this point I don't even care; I'll just be SO GLAD to be rid of our current carpet, which is so old and dirty they might just need to call in a bio-hazard team to remove it. Apparently I felt it was good enough for Carys to play on but not for the new baby. Favoritism!

Also on the room, we have a crib (not assembled), a rocking chair (painted! but not re-upholstered yet), a dresser and a nightstand (painted!). I cannot wait to get the basics in the room so I can start with the fun parts - decorating and arranging and putting baby clothes in the drawers. Right now, all her clothes are in two plastic bins in our room, as is the changing pad, her diapers, and all of the other necessities. So should she come early, she can live out of our room for a bit (she'll be sleeping there for the first few months anyway).  But all of her clothes and blankets are washed, the diapers are washed, the covers to the car seat and bouncy seat and Boppy and Rock N Play and all those things are washed, and the bottles and pacifiers are boiled and ready to go. I'm sure there's something huge I'm missing or forgetting, but for now all that baby prep is done.

Other: Hospital bag is packed.  Car seat base is installed. Plans for Carys are in place. Camera is charged.

I think this is happening.

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Scrolling down, I just noticed I wore the same outfit almost two months ago and four months ago:

23 weeks

Baby Squish : 36 Weeks

Hi, welcome to my blog where all I do is bitch about what I have left to do!

360 view this week. Only because I wanted to mark the occasion of someone telling me I didn't look pregnant from the back. In a skin-tight tee-shirt. At almost nine months pregnant. Bless them.

Today marks 36 weeks pregnant. Four weeks til my due date, three weeks til my scheduled c-section.

I spent this weekend spray-painting the rocking chair and night stand for the baby's room. I think I'm spray-paint deficient because I swear to freaking god that I use more spray paint than anyone, ever, in attempting to get full, even coverage. I KNOW the trick of lots of light layers. It doesn't work for me! I don't know what I do wrong. I've watched videos, I've read blogs...it just doesn't work for me. It took six cans of spray paint to do one rocker, ottoman, and the top of the nightstand. SIX. Have the spray paint companies penned me for a useless fool and somehow give me cans with only half the amount in it?  It just does not work for me until I'm a million layers deep.

Although....okay, to be fair to me, I'm pretty sure that about 2/3 of each can blew away since I was attempting to spray-paint outside in 40-mile-an-hour winds, but I had no choice. It's November! It could snow tomorrow. I have to get this shit done.

This is literally the only time I got dressed this week - to go to the doctor's office. This smile is forced and is saying, "I feel like shit. Get that camera out of my face." (Yes, to myself.)

Any room progress was halted, as I've spent the last week sick as a really sick dog with a nasty viral sinus infection. And when I say nasty, I mean nasty. For four days in a row I had sinus headaches that were so bad I was blacking out whenever I'd move my head, particularly when bending over (and hello, with a 2-year-old you bend over a lot!).  My blood pressure and other stats were always fine, so they weren't concerned about pre-e or anything, but they were concerned when the headaches weren't responding to any medications. So concerned, in fact, that they had me go into L&D and spend the night. They tried huge doses of Tylenol, Tylenol with Codene, Percocet, and finally Percocet paired with Phenergen, with Ambien to help me sleep (spelling on any of those might be way off).  My headache was consistently a 10/10 on the pain scale with peaks of like 12s. Finally with the Percocet/Phenergen/Ambien combo they were able to get it down to a 7/10 or so, and when I woke up in the morning it was down to a 5 or 6 so I was able to go home. It went back and forth between a 5/6 and a 12 over the next couple days and FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY started to break on the sixth or so day. Now I'm just battling the normal sinus infection symptoms. Which are irritating enough, but even more so coming off of a week of debilitating headaches. If people with migraines go through this on a regular basis, they have ALL my sorries (sorrys?).  I was so useless and completely in tears for hours and days at a time. And did I mention Chris was out of town for some of it (and still is)? Thank god for family!

So of course, all that drama has pushed the room completion back. ARGH. This is what I freaking get for procrastinating and thinking it'd be quick once I finally got started.  On the plus side, we have a crib! It's currently sitting in a box in the entryway, but it's here!

Also on the plus side, almost all of my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared (KNOCK ON WOOD, KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD!). What the hell? Aren't they supposed to get worse? But all the pelvic pain is gone, my pubic bone feels fine, my cervix isn't on fire, I haven't had lighting vag in days. I think this little girl might be trying to give mama a break, which I appreciate. And needed!

I also got all our Christmas presents ordered AND the holiday cards done. We got cute family pictures done in October, and I wanted to use them in some way, but didn't feel like I could send them out for Christmas cards since baby girl will be here by Christmas and it'd feel incomplete to send out cards that didn't include her. So this year, I'm sending out Thanksgiving cards early, and then after she arrives and I get some good newborn pictures of her done I'll send out birth announcements that double as New Year's greetings.

So boo for being sick and lack of room progress, but yay for feeling great pregnancy-wise, getting the furniture spray-painted, and being on top of Christmas things!

Baby Squish : 34 Weeks

I'm ignoring the countdown because it will just really highlight how quickly she's going to be here. Six weeks! No, five. I keep forgetting she'll be born right around 39 instead of 40 (if I make it to 39 - I assume I will since Carys showed no signs of coming on her own at 39w5d).

God, I just cannot take in-focus pictures apparently.

 

Pregnancy-wise, I'm feeling large, obviously. I can officially say that I'm having a baby NEXT MONTH! Yay! She's still a squirmy little thing, and her butt likes to hang out in the exact same place that Carys always had hers, which makes me smile.  Last week she jumped in estimated weight from the 46th percentile to the 60th percentile, so I might be looking at another nine pounder if she keeps jumping in size.  I do love my doctor, though, because he's mentioned multiple times, "Well, because you're so thin, blah blah blah" and since I have mirrors and a scale I know he's a lying liar who lies, but I appreciate his supporting this fantasy (I am perfectly and happily average size). I'm still uncomfortable and still in sometimes-pain depending on how she decides to jam her head into certain sensitive areas, but it comes and goes (lately it's been more coming than going). I'm definitely beginning to hit the "hard to breathe" stage. I got winded going up the stairs doing laundry yesterday.  Chris helpfully commented that I should get out and walk more, and I helpfully told him to fuck off.  I mean, he's right, but dude. I'm eight and a half months pregnant and I chase a toddler all day. I don't have the time or energy to add an hour of walking for funsies on top of that, nor am I sure when I'd do it since he usually doesn't get home from work until it's time for me to go to bed and it's been too rainy and cold to do it outside - not to mention that an hour walk with a toddler is about a block long.

Again with the blur. FOCUS, DUDE.

World's most boring update: We got the house measured for new carpet, so now I'm in a rush to get her room sanded down and painted before the new carpet goes into the room (we replaced the carpet in Carys's room and the basement before she arrived, so now we have to do the rest of the house - we're also replacing the linoleum in the bathrooms and entryway at the same time). Chris is out of town this week, so here's hoping I can get it done before he gets back so we can immediately go pick out the carpet and get it installed.  I see dust masks in my future!

My goals before the next update:

- Sand her room
- Paint her room
- Paint the rocking chair
- Pick out fabric for the rocking chair
- Paint the nightstand
- Pick out carpet and tile
- Schedule carpet and tile installation

I can do all that in two weeks, right? RIGHT? Right! Go team!

Oh, and we might....MIGHT....miiiiiiiight....have a name.  Maybe.  I'm nervous to even type the name out, because I am still hesitant.  But just having a "maybe" name is nice. I've been using it to address the bump for the last week or so, telling Carys to say it, trying out nicknames, writing it out on scratch paper in different fonts like a girl with a crush, and I think this might be it. Maybe. EEEEEK. Why must the task of growing and raising a child also come with the enormous responsibility of naming said child?!?!

Bonus comparison shot, almost 10 weeks apart. Note to self: bangs. Always with the bangs. So much better.

Baby Squish : 32 Weeks

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Um. Hi. Let's just talk about that not only am I in that last line in the countdown, but I'm also two weeks into it. And I won't hit the last week. So....yeah. We're definitely in the final stretch. Going by lunar months, which I prefer since it makes you sound like you're further along than you are, I'm 8 months pregnant (then you spend a month at 9 months pregnant, and theoretically hit ten months at 40 weeks) (SHUT UP IT'S MATH).  In a week and two days, I'll be able to say I'm due NEXT MONTH. In three weeks I'll hit the 35/35 milestone, in five weeks I'll be full term, and eight weeks  I'll be having a kid. Whoa.

(Ugh, I hate my hair in that second pic. WTF.)
 

Last time I was pregnant, I didn't really start to get uncomfortable until the very end. It started around 35 weeks and I don't think it got bad until 37 or 38 weeks. While the majority of this pregnancy has been equally easy, for the last week or so I've had this intense pain around the pelvic/pubic bone. I don't know if it's the whole "hip bones separating" thing happening early or if it's because she's hanging out so low or what (she's been head-down the last couple appointments) but it's definitely uncomfortable. Some days are worse than others - there were a couple days there I couldn't move very easily from one position to another, but yesterday and today it seems to have improved massively (maybe she's not head down anymore?). 

I feel like all I do anymore is complain about all the things I have left to do, but seriously: I should probably have more done than I do right now. Literally, all I've done is buy a couple winter outfits, get out Carys's newborn and 0-3 clothes, and hang them up. There's also a new ceiling fan up in the "nursery." I kind of have paint colors picked out.  Oh! And I found a dresser on Craigslist. 

I still need to: Sand the nursery, paint the nursery, pull up the carpet in the nursery, have new carpet put in, find a crib, paint the rocking chair (for some dumb reason I want white furniture in this room and the rocker is currently black), re-upholster the rocking chair, paint the nightstand (came with the Craigslist dresser, but is seriously banged up), see if my mother-in-law will make a crib skirt and possible crib sheets, figure out how to actually decorate the walls in the nursery and procure goods to do so, wash all the used clothes and diapers, wash and sanitize all the bottles and pump parts, get the baby gear (bouncer, swing, tub, etc) out of storage and get it all cleaned up and ready to use, sign up for and attend a sibling class for Carys, deep clean the house, and I'd LOVE to get the carpets in the whole house replaced, but I doubt that will happen pre-baby (we had the carpet in the basement and Carys's room replaced before she arrived, so all that's left are the remaining two bedrooms, the living room, hallway, and stairs).  Oh, and before ANY of that happens Chris needs to finish cleaning out the nursery and we need to sell/give away the headboard and dressers that are in there now.  I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting. You know, like narrowing the list of names down from 30 to maybe 5? Forget one final name. I'll take just having less than a dozen on our list.  GAH.  I need a new diaper bag too. And a maid. And a cook. WHINE WHINE WHINE first world problems WHINE WHINE.

(I know we still theoretically have plenty of time with seven or eight weeks left, but with so much to do to prepare for the holidays, it cuts a lot of that time out. And I also know some of that stuff can easily wait until after she arrives, but am I really going to feel like doing any of it with a newborn and a toddler? Doubtful. I'll probably be curled into a ball in a corner for most of the first year....)

Baby Squish : 30 Weeks. And also Carrots.

Other than the gestational diabetes diagnosis, not much has been happening still.* Getting bigger, still feeling really good, had a totally freaky experience when I could basically feel her entire foot through my belly button. Things are juuuuuust starting to get a bit squished in there. I feel huge, but I know there is SO MUCH MORE HUGENESS to come, so I'm focusing on feeling small.

*So I totally jinxed myself by starting this post on Sunday morning, because then Sunday afternoon I had a bit of a bleeding scare.  Had to go into L&D for some monitoring, but all seems to be fine and just taking it easy. 

Helloooooooo belly button.

With ten weeks and just over two months left, we still have no name and no nursery. But I'm less freaked out about either of those things now then I was earlier. Whatever, right? I assume she'll eventually have a name and we have a good six months to get her a room assuming all goes well and she sleeps okay in the Rock 'n Play like her big sister did.

Soooo I cheated and loved this outfit with the yellow sweater, but it's really like 29 weeks 3 days.  I was going to just fudge it but for unknown reasons felt guilty so I took a real 30 week picture today.

Speaking of her big sister...what I AM freaking out about is losing my one-on-one time with her.  Like to the point I start to cry when thinking about it. I know it's not gone forever, and I know that a sister is an amazing, amazing gift (please let them love each other!), but our quiet mornings where just the two of us snuggle and watch Sesame Street will not be the same after Squish arrives.  Nor will I be able to drop everything and read a book to her, or take a last-minute trip to the park, or even think about just her. Everything from December 17th on will need to take two kids into consideration.

(photo courtesy Darbi G Photography - this is just a screenshot of her screen, so excuse the quality)

I'm petrified of looking back at these last two months and feeling like I wasted them. I want to take off work for the next two months and fill our days with nothing but laughter and finger paint and cuddles. I want to quit all social media and break our TV and live in a world of books and wonder.  I want to take her to the zoo and the children's museum and Disneyworld and the moon.  I want to have her permanently attached to my side in a mom-first daughter love cocoon for ten weeks where I can just live in the pure joy and bliss* that is Carys.  She's such a unique, smart, silly, amazing little kid and I don't want to miss any of her, and I'm worried that splitting my attention between two kids will mean that happens. I know that will happen. I know there will be times when I have to sacrifice Carys time for Squish, and Squish time for Carys. I know that having two kids means that neither one will get my full attention as much as Carys did her first two years. I worry that I'll miss getting to know Squish like I did Carys, with two years of solid one-on-one time to get to know and love every little thing about her.

Seriously. THIS KID. 

AHHHH MOM GUILT EXPLOSION.

I need a brownie and a glass of wine. TWO THINGS WHICH I CANNOT HAVE, DAMMIT.

*Pure joy and bliss not guaranteed. She is two, after all.

Baby Squish : 28 Weeks

The last Baby Squish post before the big 3-0. Eeek!  It's been a while since I looked at my countdown:

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I'm excited to hit thirty weeks because she'll be born in the 30-somethings (39 weeks, 2 days if the date we want is doable) and I don't know, it seems monumental.  Then I'm excited to hit 32 weeks because "eight weeks left" sounds like nothing and even though no one has really told me I'm enormous, I feel like everyone is thinking it, and maybe it's okay to be enormous when you only have eight weeks left? Maybe? Sure. Then comes 35/35 (35 weeks with 35 days left), then full-term at 37 weeks...then, of course, I'm excited to hit 39 weeks, 2 days and see this mystery being in person.

Everything continues to go well - I had my last cervical check of the pregnancy today (assuming nothing crazy happens in the next twelve weeks). No more dildo cam! (I may have slipped and said that out loud in front of my doctor, who may have blushed.)

We got some good 3D pictures from today's ultrasound - well, good if either a) it's your own kid or b) melty-wax-faced babies are your thing.  This first one is my allllllll time favorite 3D picture, I think. From the sweet little nose and mouth in the upper right, to the crossed hands, and yes, that is a food hanging out there along the left side.

Cute kid. It's okay, you don't have to agree. I know how creepy and weird most people find these.

This isn't a cute picture, but I wish I had the video that went with it. As soon as he touched the wand down to my stomach and pressed a bit, she went from a neutral face to this crazy grimace and actually reached up and pushed the probe away (you could see the probe move!). He replayed the video about ten times and called all the nurses in to watch. Dude, sorry about invading your space.

I still feel SO weird and disconnected about this pregnancy - I love being pregnant, I love the kicks, I love seeing her squirm around on the ultrasound...but it's still absolutely so surreal to think that we'll be welcoming another baby into the house in two and a half months.  I mean, shit, it still doesn't seem real that I have ONE kid. I'm going to be the mom of TWO soon? That does not seem possible in any way, shape, or form. I'd say hopefully it becomes reality soon, but if it still doesn't seem real that I'm a mom at all two years after I became one, I doubt reality will hit anytime soon.

Baby Squish : 26 Weeks

I really have no updates, yet I feel compelled to post. Why is this? Some sort of blogger compulsion? Do I need help? (Yes. But perhaps not for that. Want to name my baby? Or paint the room?)

Gosh, in both of these pics my booty looks so sad and low and droopy. Carys, I'm taking the funds for restorative plastic surgery out of your college fund.

Truly, though, everything has been going extraordinarily well (knock on wood). My symptoms continue to be mild heartburn occasionally, a runny nose (that's really a pregnancy symptom!), and a giant growing belly. And a belly button that appears to be a third eye in some outfits.  If it wasn't for the movement and the fat, I wouldn't feel pregnant in the slightest. LUCKY. ASS. MO. FO. Trust me, I realize it. This is also why I'm a dangerous pregnant person - I love it (well, post-cerclage pregnancy anyway). It's easy to love when it's such a breeze. Hence Chris being in danger of me trying to talk him into a whole baseball team worth of kids.

 Since 20 weeks I've had bi-weekly check ups to check cervical length and see how the cerclage is holding up, and the answer has been the same the last six weeks - beautifully.  I think I mentioned in my last post that the cysts are gone. Baby is measuring right on track, with an estimated weight today of 2lbs 2oz, which is 52nd percentile. Maybe she won't be a second nine pounder?

This week I hit the "less than 100 days" milestone. Next week is third trimester.  Then  before I know it it's going to be the end of October and the start of the fall/winter holidays and I'm pretty sure that time will be over before I can even blink, and I hope to god I can get everything done that's needed. Like, you know, figure out a name.

Baby Squish : 24 Weeks : Viability!

Yay! We've reached the magic reassuring date of 24 weeks (not magic, because it's really the very bare edge of viability and many 24 weekers still don't make it - but it's a chance!).

23 weeks

24 weeks

Everything is going well here. Kid is a-movin' and a-shakin' and I'm growing...a lot...so much. So very much.  The cysts in the brain appear to have pretty much resolved, as expected, but it's still a huge relief to know that the doctor was right (who woulda thought, right?).  Squish weighs about 1.5 lbs and is, of course, completely adorable.

Profile with arm over the head

A few people have asked about names (a few? It's like every question, after "Do you know what it is?"). I'm going to ignore the sex questions since we still haven't told our family and aren't sure if we're going to do so or if we're going keep it a surprise (just for something different).  Yes, everyone hates us right now.

So let's talk names instead.  I'm pretty sure at this point I had our list narrowed down to just a few for Carys, and this time....I am having absolutely NO luck. I have about two dozen on our list and for every single one I think the same thing: "It's okay. I like it. I can't really see it on OUR baby, but I like it." I swear I've looked at every name in the history of names and have well over a 100 on my 'considered but rejected' list and just nothing is jumping out at me. I don't do well under pressure, so I'm terrified that nothing will jump out at me in the next three and a half months and we'll go into the delivery room with the same 24 names and.....let's just say I panic at a restaurant when the waiter asks what I want if I'm not ready.  I was 99% sure Carys was going to be Carys at the point of delivery, but still was considering Eliana up until the very end and didn't officially sign off on it until day three. If I have two dozen to choose from????? It's not going to happen. I momentarily will fall in love with a name, but by the next day am completely disillusioned by it.  It doesn't help that my friends keep having babies with really fantastic names like Stella Elise, Lola June, and Miriam Joy.  I realize that I still have like 100 days left to come up with something, so there's plenty of time. Right? Only like three million possibilities to go through.

So right now, that's probably stressing me out the most.  Never mind that the baby's room is still not even started and is still completely full of unused furniture and Chris's leftover computer things and has a textured paint effect on it that two coats of primer didn't come close to covering and will have to be scraped or sanded off......okay, well, that's stressing me out a little bit. But not nearly as much as the whole name thing.  Feel free to share your favorite unused name!

Baby Squish : 22 Weeks

So. 22 weeks. Not much to report. Just counting down the days until 24 weeks.

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I think I mentioned before that the kid wasn't cooperating at 16 weeks to get a 100% sex confirmation, and they followed suit at the 20 week anatomy scan, so we are pretty sure we know what it is but can't confirm for sure. We're debating about just keeping it a secret from everyone until he or she is born....but I don't know if I am patient enough for that. At the very least, I'd like to do something fun-ish for our immediate family to tell them.  Everything else at the anatomy scan looked good - despite the doctor saying not to expect much from  the cysts in way in positive change at the 20 week appointment, they seemed MUCH smaller, so yay for that (note to self: trust doctor if he says something is no big deal).

Kid is kicking away, giving me heartburn every night, and just generally being pretty easygoing. Please, please, please keep it up, Squish. It'd be great if you could just keep in mind that your big sister is two and will be two and a half when you arrive and that two is.....well, two is two. She's a pure delight most of the time, but she's so very....TWO at other times.  So anything you can do once you get here to make my life easier will be repaid in the form of ponies and gold doubloons when you're old enough to appreciate them.

22 week fall-on-top-and-summer-on-bottom outfit.

A Bump Manifesto

I hear and see it over and over again:

"I'm huge! I feel enormous."

"I'm barely showing; is something wrong?"

"I love your bump, I wish mine looked like that."

"My bump is shaped so weird."

Here's the deal: As long as you're eating relatively healthy, your bump is fine. Your bump is normal. Your bump is perfect.*

Love your bump. Embrace your bump.

Those who show early wish they were smaller. Those who have flat stomachs well into their second trimester long for a cute little bump to show off. Most of us are just average, but because of the rampant comparisons, feel like we're too big or too little.

We all have different bodies, different uteruses (uterii?), different amounts of amniotic fluid, different stomach muscles, different babies, different genetics, different starting points. The way these factors are coming together during your pregnancy are what determine your bump shape and size, along with your current diet and, to some extent, your level of activity. Here's the thing: as long as you're putting forth some effort to eat healthy and putting forth even a minor effort to be active, there's nothing you can do about the other components. Your bump is your bump. It's not anyone else's bump. You should not compare it to the girl next door who is a foot taller or shorter than you and who weighs 50 pounds more or less than you do.  Her bump is hers alone. She probably wishes it were bigger/smaller/rounder/higher/lower, too. So stop comparing it to hers!

Some of us are Kate Middleton, athletic and slim throughout our pregnancy. Some of us are Kim Kardashian, curvy and voluptuous. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.

A few of us will gain all over, and you'll know that we're pregnant just by glimpsing an ankle alone. Our cheeks will expand right along with our bellies. Some of us will gain just in the belly, and truly look like we're smuggling a basketball in our shirt. Some of us will hardly show through the entire pregnancy, and people will be unsure whether they are pregnant even as they are walking into the delivery room ready to give birth.   Some will grow straight out and be able to balance a cup of water on their abdomen. Some will grow up and down and be sticking out from boobs to crotch.  Some will grow wide, and you'll be able to see their bump from behind. Some will have pointy bellies, some round bellies, some square bellies. Some won't show at all from the back. Some won't show at all from the front. Some will show from all angles.  Some will carry so high you wonder how they can breath; some will carry so low you wonder how the kid hasn't fallen out yet.

Some of us will gain the majority of weight in the first trimester, when scarfing down carbs and crackers are the only things that keep us from puking into our breakfast. Some of us won't gain a pound until close to the third trimester.

A few women will start showing the day before the pregnancy test turns positive. A few women will still have flat stomachs halfway or even two-thirds of the way through their nine months. Some will have strangers asking if they're due any day - at 4 months pregnant. A few people will go through their through pregnancy never having stepped foot in the maternity section of the store or having to even employ the hair tie trick.

Heck, Google "Pregnant Celebrities," where the images in this post came from, and look at the variety of baby bump and body shapes during pregnancies - and these are people who are in peak physical condition with trainers and nutritionists caring for them their entire pregnancy.

The bottom line is that you are not anyone else. You are not your mom, your best friend, or that internet stranger. Don't be jealous of her bump. Don't worry abut whether your bump is normal or whether it should be bigger or smaller or rounder or flatter. Appreciate your bump - it's growing your baby, and that is the ONLY thing that matters. Anything else is just superficial noise.

*Note: there are ALWAYS exceptions. Someone might be huge because they have a giant tumor growing in their abdomen; some might be tiny because they have low amniotic fluid levels. I'm not talking medical situations here. Those are unusual, unlikely, and rare scenarios. This manifesto is for the other 99% of pregnancies. 

Baby Squish : 20 Weeks : Halfway!

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Look at that - two lines down, two to go!  The next four weeks are crucial; after 24 weeks, should anything happen that makes Squish arrive early, chances are good that he or she would survive. Of course, Carys was born on the date of her scheduled c-section, so I have no reason to believe that with the cerclage this kiddo will do anything different. BIONIC CERVIX FTW. (knock on all the wood)

Other than that, all is going well over here in Occupied Uterus territory.  A bit of heartburn here, a bit of...well, nothing else, really. It's all Easy Pregnancy 101 up in here.  In YES LOVE news, Squish has been moving and kicking and hitting me (preparation for being two years old apparently, according to Carys). In DIE IN A FIRE news, I'm battling a horrific head cold that, in addition to rendering it impossible to breath, has settled in my eyes, which makes me look like I'm in a perpetual state of sobbing.  Because we're a family who loves each other and shares everything, Carys got it from me. Or I got it from her. Either way, we both are miserable. And Chris is REALLY loving the hacking coughing that keeps me up all night. And that night when Carys was at her worst and woke up sobbing and unable to breathe while laying down and just wanted to be held upright for three straight hours in the middle of the night and screamed bloody murder every time I tried to lay her down? That was TONS of fun. Neither of us are on edge from lack of sleep at all! It's been joyous! At least he gets wine to soften said edge. Hmphf.

But the pregnancy...that part's been easy peasy so far.

It still seems pretty surreal that I'm pregnant with our second child when I still find myself amazed that I have a first one. I will be walking down the hall from dropping Carys off at preschool and looking around for the Parenting Police who are no doubt coming to arrest me at any moment for playing mom to this kid that I surely stole from somewhere. I consistently feel like I'm one of the youngest moms there, when in reality I'm probably solidly in the middle, if not on the older end of things. But somehow in my mind I feel like a baby having a baby. Aren't I BARELY out of the teen mom statistics? Like I actually feel sometimes that people must be judging me for having a kid and being pregnant at such a very young age.  HOW AM I ALMOST 33??? Someone please hold me.

20 weeks in an outfit that, from the side, makes the bump look a bit bigger than it is, and also makes me look kind of squat, which is a feat since I'm 5'10". Maybe I'll throw some wedges on next time to balance the Bermuda SHORT effect. HA. Since it makes me look short? Bermuda SHORTS? GET IT?????

Baby Squish : 18 Weeks

First things first.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

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Sooo close to halfway. C'mon, next two weeks!  Also, I just noticed that I started at 1 - as if weeks one through four count for anything. Ha! Oh, well, makes me look further along visually. More to cross off. It's like making a to-do list and adding things that you've already finished just so you can cross them off. That's not just me, is it?

Obligatory three-pregnancy-comparison-pic (Caleb first, then Carys, then Squish on the bottom).  I was definitely smaller with Carys than with Caleb. This one....well, it seems to be growing outward more from boob to pelvis, rather than a slow slope downward and out, but about the same overall as Carys.  Can we talk about my ass? Specifically, current lack of one?  I used to have a decent butt, and it all but disappeared towards the end of my pregnancy with Carys and never came back.

Sadly, that will be my first and only three-pregnancy-comparison picture, as my water broke before I got to 19 weeks and I never took another belly picture with him.

Specifically, at 18 weeks and 5 days pregnant, my water broke with Caleb. He was born at 19 weeks, 3 days. So these next two weeks are completely nerve-wracking for me and I'll just be floating along in a cloud of anxiety until those milestones pass, I think.  I'd kind of like to ask the doctor if I could just come live in the OB office, hooked up to an ultrasound machine, for the next two weeks. Actually, make that til 24 weeks.  But the cerclage did its job with Carys, and I just have to trust that it will continue to do so with this kid. 

This has been my favorite week so far, because I can feel Squish moving - very lightly, and not often, but it's there. I never felt Caleb, and it wasn't until closer to 20 weeks that I felt Carys (though all three have been insanely active during ultrasounds).  I absolutely cannot wait until later, when I can feel it from the outside and see the shifts and rolls and bulges. 

I actually got started cleaning out the storage room, only to discover that our dog had at some point peed on the carpet. WONDERFUL. Don't you love those little disgusting surprises?  I got out all my stuff and all our shared stuff, and now all that's left is approximately five tons of Chris's old computer parts and cables and wires. Along with a few pieces of furniture that will immediately be Craigslisted, once I can free them from the clutches of a thousand feet of computer wires. 

I also hung a bunch of newborn size clothes (all gender-neutral - don't get too excited!) in the closet, hoping that seeing them there would make it more real.  It didn't really work.  I'm still in a weird world of denial. Not active denial - I want to be pregnant and I know I am! - but I still don't really FEEL pregnant and it still hasn't really sunk in yet.  Maybe when the kid is being pulled out of me it will finally feel real? Maybe when they had him or her to me? Maybe when I'm listening to two babies cry for me and I'm wondering what the hell I did it will feel real?

One last covered belly pic - which I love because I look TEEEENY, which I am not in any way.