Baby Squish : Scary News (That will be okay?)

Last Friday, I had my 16-week appointment (where, by the way, Squish did NOT cooperate to allow the sonographer to confirm the sex guess from the 12-week appointment!).  I always love seeing Squish and how he or she has grown since the last appointment, and I got wonderful confirmation that my trans-abdominal cerclage is holding the cervix nice and closed.

However, as she was scanning the baby and hit the lateral (I think?) view of the brain, I immediately noticed the large, dark spot.  It looked much like this (except only on one hemisphere of the brain):

(not my picture)

She spent a lot of time measuring it, and I spent the entire time debating on whether I should ask about it. I sometimes thought I saw a similar spot on the other side (I didn't; it's only on one side), which made me think maybe it was normal and I just didn't remember it from Carys, and didn't want to ask a stupid question about a normal part of the brain.  

After the ultrasound ended, the doctor came in to do the debriefing. He first assured me that the baby looked wonderful and that everything looked perfect, then commiserated that they couldn't confirm his sex guess, and finally told me not to freak out, but that they saw something on the ultrasound of which they wanted me to be aware. 

A cyst. A cyst on our baby's brain.

The second those words left his lips, I disconnected.  Inside, I was panicking and wanted to scream, but outside, I just kept smiling and nodding. He explained that it was a choroid plexus cyst, and that they occur in 1-3% of pregnancies.  He said that they can be markers of something worse - like Trisomy 13 or 18, which are often fatal.  However, he quickly reassured me that with a completely normal NT scan and completely normal blood test results, as well as zero other markers seen on the ultrasound, he has no reason to believe that there are any issues with the baby, and that the cyst should completely disappear by the time Squish is 24 weeks old.  He further explained that he sees these in about one in forty pregnancies, but probably only sees trisomy in one in a thousand pregnancies, so that the odds were highly in my favor, particularly because of the lack of any other conerns. 

So I'm trying to be confident and really have no reason not to be....

....but a cyst.

On my baby's brain. 

That is some scary shit! I just see that big black hole on the ultrasound and wonder whether the brain can possibly develop normally around it for the eight or so weeks it takes to develop and then go away - Dr. Google and Dr. Real Doctor said yes, it's absolutely possible and there aren't any long-term effects, but still. A CYST ON THE BRAIN. No matter how harmless the doctor hopes it is, that's still a terrifying thing to hear.

I keep thinking that this pregnancy has been SO easy that of course something had to be wrong, and then I keep thinking that this pregnancy has been so easy that a most-likely-to-disappear-cyst surely can't be the last of it. 

I'm just hoping the next seven weeks - until our 24 week appointment - absolutely FLY by so that I can go back and get the great news that the cyst is gone (fingers crossed/knock on wood/consult witch doctor). I asked if they'd be able to tell us anything at the 20 week ultrasound, and he said probably not - they cyst will (hopefully) appear smaller because the baby's head is bigger, but it usually takes until 24 weeks for it to resolve.

I know we have absolutely zero reason to worry and that chances are fantastic it will be totally fine and go away just like the doctor predicts, but there's always that little bit of doubt and worry in the back of your head - and I'm sure it will be there until they give us the all clear.  Fingers crossed so hard that we get an all clear.  I know people that have gotten much worse news and have had much worse diagnoses, so I completely recognize how lucky I am that the issue with our baby is comparatively small and likely self-resolving, but.....it's still something wrong with my baby. And no mother ever likes to hear anything other than "perfect."

Baby Squish : 12 Weeks

Today, I had my NT scan, which Squish passed with flying colors. NT measurement was 1.3, nasal bones were present and accounted for, brain was present and in the right place, stomach was there - and the kid was bouncing off the (uterine) walls. (I feel like I used that same joke with Carys at some point...) (I need new material.)

They also gave us a tentative sex guess. Already, I know, right!??! Are you ready?

Baby Squish is (probably) a.....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.......Ha, yeah right. Not sharing that news yet. But I do know with 80% certainty. And I'm very excited. Although either way, I'd be thrilled, honestly. I absolutely adore my sister, and would love for Carys to have that bond, too. A brother and a sister are awesome (I have one! He's great!) but there's something special that sisters share that I don't think any other sibling set can match. However, I also would love a boy, because I eventually would love at least one of each, so it'd be wonderful to get that out of the way in case something prevents us from having a third.

I will say that I have always felt like I was going to have two girls and then a boy. On the other hand, I've been feeling boy with this one, because I had virtually NO first trimester symptoms (never puked, etc.) and the heart rate seems to be slower than what Carys had at around the same gestation.

So which wins?  Dreams? Old wive's tales? It will be interesting to see (and I'm exceedingly curious to see if the doctor was right, since I tend to talk shit about early sex guesses regularly). Although he has a 50/50 chance of being right no matter what, so it won't be THAT impressive if he's correct.

Next appointment isn't for a VERY LONG four weeks.  However, I can hear the heartbeat on the doppler now so hopefully that will tide me over for a bit.

34 weeks (and a half!)

Don't you dare forget that half!  Chris keeps thinking I'm 36 weeks, which makes me want to punch him in the balls. Not because he's wrong, but because it makes ME think I'm 36 weeks and then I realize that I have six (really five) weeks left instead of four (really three).

But! It's definitely getting here. I can now officially say we're having a baby NEXT MONTH. Which is absolutely INSANE. Like Shaun T Insanity insane (please tell me I'm not the only one who gets sucked into these infomercials and think they're the most amazing product ever and have to force myself not to get them all??).

Last night was interesting.  As I was getting off work, I suddenly had extreme pain in my ribs and could not catch my breath for the life of me...as in, I would get out of breath just TALKING to someone.  After four and a half hours of that, with nothing I tried helping (walking, laying on my side, rocking on all fours), I called the on call doctor and was advised to go into labor and delivery to get checked out. So I went in and baby and I got hooked up to some monitors and I got an IV of fluid. I think that an IV of saline solution is the catch-all treatment for most pregnancy-related ills.  Not that I'm complaining - have you ever had one? You feel AMAZING afterward. I have a friend who worked in the Washington DC press pool, and he said the secret service would always give themselves IVs of saline solution after long nights.  God, I can only imagine all the stories that he CAN'T tell us. I want to know all the dirt! Can you imagine what someone in that position has seen and heard? I want political gossip! I want the dirt!

Okay, tangent over. Back to what's REALLY important: my fetus!

Anyway, they checked both of us out. My lung capacity was diminished on both sides, but both baby and I were fine on oxygen saturation. The first thing that the L&D nurse brought up as a possibility was that she (baby, not nurse) had moved into a transverse position. As soon as she (nurse, not baby) said that, the light clicked - earlier in the day I'd felt hiccups in a high side position and movement had been odd since then. Sure enough, within an hour or so of arriving at the hospital, there was a giant wave of movement (that hilariously set off all the sensors) and an almost immediate sense of relief.  DUR.  Despite the fact that the resident doctor lady later diagnosed it as something different (something about rib cartilage swelling; I can't remember exactly) I'm pretty certain that the first nurse was right: baby girl had decided to wedge all 6 pounds of her body horizontally in the foot of space between my ribs.  Even though it was a moronic reason to go to the hospital, I don't regret it - the pain was truly excruciating, so I'm glad we were able to get it checked out.  Plus she probably wouldn't have decided to move at home; I think she was just showing the medical community what an idiot her mother was. And as they always say during pregnancy: better safe than sorry.

I had my regularly scheduled doctor's appointment this morning, and baby girl is still looking good. No news on her size (the six pound mentioned above is an estimate) since they only measure that every other appointment, but she is still a she and she still has hair (possibly curly?? The tech asked if either of us had curly hair...hmmm).

I think these were from last week, so 33 weeks. Ish.

 

Here are the most recent, from a wedding on Sunday.  Hello, boobs. You're looking mighty fantastic. And a rare appearance from Chris, my baby daddy! The oft-mentioned but rarely seen love of my life.

 

And here is what happens when you try to take a picture of yourself and your belly classic MySpace 16 and Pregnant style: you can't fit your entire friggin belly into the frame because it's so huge.

OH. And. AND. I have to share. The cutest ever on-sale-Old-Navy-impulse-purchase EVER.  It was actually in the baby boy section, but hello? Pandas and green? Totally gender neutral.  (Please don't tell her it came from the boy's section; she's going to have enough gender confusion as it is thanks to her boy's room [according to Chris] SO NOT A BOY'S ROOM [according to me]).  She might wear this every day until she grows out of it or it dissolves off of her body from caked-on baby puke.

Squeal:

SQUEAL:

SQUEALLLLLLLLLL:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THE CUTENESS OH MY GOD HOW WILL ANYONE BE ABLE TO RESIST HER IN THIS OUTFIT??? I WANT TO EAT IT UP AND THERE'S NOT EVEN A BABY IN IT.

Live Blogging the Three-Hour GD Test

Welcome to the amazing world of glucose tolerance testing for gestational diabetes! I've seen people live blog important events like the Oscars, and I figure this is at least as exciting. Right?!?

Yesterday, 8:30am: Call to make the appointment. Nurse says I can come as early as 7:30am. Readily agree. Receive instructions to not eat anything after midnight.

Today, 7am: Consider nurse's words carefully. Decide that by "as early as" she really meant "anytime after."

7:01am: Hit snooze button.

7:30am: Wake up. Shower, et al. Pack entertainment bag consisting of breastfeeding book (scintillating), laptop, and Kindle. Grab snacks for ride home since am positive will be moments from starving when this is done.

8:02am: Holy shit, traffic is insane. People actually go to work this early? Lots of people?

8:14am: Check in for bloodwork.

8:15am: Phlebotomist goes on break.

8:30am: Called back. Blood sugar drawn. Best stick ever. Barely felt at all. Tell blood guy; he promises to try to be here for each draw. Talk about hospital portrayals on TV. Consensus: Scrubs is best; House is worst. Wait for results. Looking for number under 126; mine is 93. Score!

8:35am: Retire to waiting room to...wait. Already hungry.  This is going to suck. Sorry, baby, for withholding nutrients. But really, at a hefty 3.5lbs when most babies are 2.5, maybe you can use the break.

8:36am: Baby kicks in protest at implication that she is fat. Better get used to it, kid. You live in a world where people think a size 10 is obese.

8:37am: Every channel appears to be having 24 hour Royal Wedding coverage. UGH.

8:42am: Booooooored. UGH again.

9:20am: A little jittery and light-headed. Consider trying to nap on the couch. The hard plastic couch with no cushions.  Debate which pieces of clothing I can remove to use as a pillow without being obscene.

9:35am: Second blood draw. Different person, but another good draw. No instant answers this time.

9:37am: Back in waiting room. Again ponder clothing removal for pillow usage. Eye couch wistfully.

10:11am:  OMG kill me now. Another hour and a half at least.  If I hear "Royal Wedding" on TV one more time I might fly to London and personally....well, I don't know what I'd do. Something. Something drastic.

10:20am: Sugar drink + empty stomach = weird gassy pukey feeling.

10:38am: Third draw is done.  Sucked. First she slipped out of the vein so had to stick me again. Then the vacuum blew (??) so she had to get a new collection tube.  Light-headedness compounding. So glad I have snacks in the car. GOOD THINKING, LARA! One more hour, one more draw.

11:15am: HUNGRY. RUMBLING. TUMMY. Gulping water to attempt stomach-fullness trickery.

11:37am: Where are they?? Why haven't they called me back?  Panicking. Will it invalidate the results if my blood isn't drawn at an hour exactly? AHHH.

11:38am: Phew. Called back. Same chick from last draw. The one that sucked. Grimacing; anticipating worst. Over! Not bad.

11:41am: Devour crackers and banana in car. So grateful I brought them. 

11:55am: OMG. Driving home. So lightheaded. Trying to concentrate on not puking in my car.  Make emergency stop at fast-food drive through.  Life. Saved. By. Fries. Mmmmm. Start feeling better immediately.

12:10pm: Arrive at work. Consider pleading "not feeling well" to go home, but decide to suck it up.

12:12pm: Regretting suck it up decision. Want to go home. However, this is every day.

1:18pm: Waiting for results.

1:50pm: PASSED! Whoo. She's just a giant child.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Twelve weeks looks weird.

Twelve is one of those words that looks REALLY weird when you actually look at it and focus on it. And say it out loud a few times.

Anyway, almost in the second trimester! Holy cow!

  1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

Hmm. Making some progress. But I'd like to be in that fourth line. I've never been in the fourth line before. Sniff, sniff.

We had the NT scan this morning and all looked good. We won't get the official results that take the blood tests into account for another week or so, but the nuchal translucency measurement was about 1.5 and nasal bones were present, which are both excellent signs.

In other news, I believe that we're having a gnome. Or maybe Jesus. Or Santa Claus? I see a beard on this baby.

Do you see the hand at the top of the picture above? You can see two fingers and the thumb. 

The bright white line that you can see under the baby's back in some pictures is the amniotic sac. And seriously, what's with the beard??? The doctor didn't mention anything about it and I didn't notice it until after we'd gotten home. I mean, I'd love the world's first bearded baby, but it might take some getting used to.

OR! Maybe the baby is a PHAROH. Like King Tut!

 

I totally see it. 

Double Stuff

Good news: the betas doubled!

531 at 16dpo
1308 at 18dpo

That's a doubling time of just over 36 hours, which is well under the 48-72 hour marker they look for. 

So that's one milestone to cross off. Now I just have to make it to tomorrow...and Sunday...and Monday...and six weeks...and seven weeks...and eight weeks...and holy cow that's overwhelming. Hopefully with the craziness of the holidays just around the corner the time will fly by, but I doubt it since obviously the best part of the holidays is drinking and I won't be participating in that pastime.

NOT THAT I MIND, BABY.  Don't take that to mean you should depart anytime soon. I'm cool with it. Water is just as good as wine!

Okay, I can't start lying to you this early, baby. It's not true. Wine is delicious. But I'm happy to make the sacrifice for you, so again: STAY PUT.

Today I am pregnant, and today I love my baby.

Beta Results

Yesterday after work I went to Whole Foods, because I figured there couldn't possibly be a better way to entice this baby to stick around than to drop $200 on three day's worth of food.  While I was walking down an aisle, I just started to cry. I'm still not entirely sure why - I don't think you can blame hormones at 4 weeks - but I just got overwhelmed with the thought of another pregnancy. It just seems so impossible that I could actually be bringing a baby home in nine months.  Then I got home and had that tiniest bit of brown spotting and just...well, not gave up, but certainly put it in a box and put that box under the couch where our dog hides his broken toys. Out of site, out of mind, out of heart.

I decided to call this morning to see if I could get my betas drawn, just to see if it's even a viable pregnancy. Isn't that terrible? Most women in my position assume it IS; most baby loss mamas assume it ISN'T.  Sigh. Jaded bitches, the lot of us.   The doctor's office agreed and I got in right away, and they just called back with the results.

531 at 16 days post ovulation.

I think I'm having triplets.

The average number for triplets at that time is 526, so maybe actually it's quads.

Kidding. For a singleton pregnancy the average is 203, but the range of normal is ENORMOUS - like 4 to 9,000. So I'm well within normal, even for a singleton pregnancy.  And no one in my family has ever had twins, and we weren't on any fertility meds, so I think I'm good.

What really matters is that the 531 turns into over 1062 within 72 hours. The doubling time is the thing that counts. So I go back Friday for my second blood draw, and if it's over 1000, then they call it good until my first appointment on the 1st.

Fingers crossed. I can't believe I let myself get even a little excited. Knock on wood. Again. My knuckles are raw.

And as always: Today I am pregnant, and today I love my baby.